Author: Anne Rulo

Intense news and weather reports are nothing new to our experience. However, in the past couple of weeks, we have encountered some particularly violent events including tornadoes that have wiped out portions of entire towns and a devastating school shooting in Nashville.

One challenging mental health aspect of these events is the increasingly transparent media coverage, released raw information/footage, and reduced choice over how much we see and know. Thus, as the strategies and permissions behind media coverage continue to evolve, it is important to consider how to responsibly keep ourselves informed, but also as mentally and emotionally safe as possible.

Violent News Coverage

In truth, the motivation for this particular article came from my own recent, real-life experiences with 1) friends who deal with weather fear and 2) the Nashville school shooting. Only a few days after three children and three staff members were killed at Covenant School, I found myself in a hospital waiting room for my own child’s surgery. And, while her medical procedure was fairly minor, as a parent I was of course a little anxious.

As I walked through the hospital and sat in the waiting room I was unable to avoid looped video footage of the Nashville school shooter walking the halls of the school wielding a large assault weapon. These images did not serve to lower my anxiety and, I had been trying so hard to avoid the embedded videos, 911 call logs, and images for my own mental/emotional safety. The lack of control over what I heard and saw in a public space felt defeating.

Of course, it is important to understand what is going on in our world. However, it is also important to understand how we can stay informed without being traumatized. Here are some strategies for managing violent news coverage:

• Know your personal limits. Reading/viewing something once is sometimes enough. It is not essential to expose your mind and emotions repeatedly to information to understand an experience. Everyone has their own capacity to manage this type of input.
• You can care without being “fully aware.” This is a hard one for empaths like me. I am deeply aware that, unlike the parents who lost their children that day, I have the privilege of not being immersed in that experience. However, sometimes we feel as though we must be able/willing to look at all the pain to fully honor it. However, no one is served by us being wounded or triggered on their behalf. The human heart can care without being fully submerged in the trauma.
• Disengage as necessary. In my situation, I can’t unsee what I saw that day. But I did move to a different area of the waiting room and for the days prior, I read enough to know what happened and then stayed off the news until the footage slowed down.

Severe Weather Coverage

Severe weather is another aspect of the news that can be triggering. Of course, not everyone has a strong reaction to potential severe weather but, for those that do, it can be an overwhelming experience of anxiety…

To finish reading tips to manage emotional safety during severe weather coverage, link here. Thanks to Partners in Prevention at the University of Missouri for our continued partnership to publish this type of content!

“As a general rule, we can only do better when we know better. We only know better when we lean in, listen, reflect, and grow.”

As a therapist, one of the great privileges I had in my career was teaching a foundational course for graduate students in counseling. It was an introduction to the profession, with opportunities for reflection on why my students wanted to become therapists and what internal obstacles might trip them up.

One of my favorite lessons each semester was the evening we spent considering our biases. Therapists are called to be aware of our personal biases and avoid imposing them on clients. This requires individuals to examine themselves. Many of my students had never intentionally, publicly, or honestly gone through this process.

The exercise was always the same. I would ask my students to think through different people groups and observe their gut reactions. The goal was to consider which groups they may have trouble working with based on their personal values or experiences. Then, we would share.

Each semester, there were always a few who initially believed they were without bias. They claimed to “value all people equally”, “see no color”, and “have friends of all backgrounds.” Usually, one or two students would offer “safe” answers like, “I don’t like criminals” to avoid giving a potentially offensive answer. But at least one student would quietly offer something like, “I sometimes feel nervous around a Black person if I don’t know them.” I could tell that these students felt ashamed, but also that they felt permission to speak honestly.

Often, other students opened up about their biases against people from different cultures, abilities, classes, political parties, or religions. My students didn’t confess these beliefs with confidence. They whispered the words, their voices heavy with the awareness that they didn’t want to feel or think this way. But they did—and so do we.

We cannot live in a world so historically threaded with systemic racism, gender inequality, and political dichotomy without being affected…

To finish reading the full post, link here and thanks to Christianity Today and Wheaton Humanitarian Disaster Institute for the chance to share on your platform!

Writing over at The Glorious Table about embracing whatever season God has us in. See below for a preview or link to the full post here.

The year I was born, my Dad took my Mom to the hospital early. If I remember the story correctly, she wasn’t in labor but, she was close enough to her due date that the impending snowstorm had him a little skittish. And there, sometime during the evening, I entered the world. A birthday spent in the snow.

My most recent birthday, forty-two years later, was spent hiking with my family on an uncommonly warm day. I wore knee-length leggings and a short-sleeved shirt, working up quite a sweat as we traveled up and down the terrain for miles. A birthday spent in the sun.

The reason my birthday weather is different every year is that I was born in early March in the midwest. For months in this part of the country you never know if it is going to rain, shine, snow, or some combination of all three. Extreme seasonal fluctuations are commonplace, eliciting the same funny, predictable, memes every time it happens. I just simply can’t count on my birthday to be any one experience. Instead, I just have to wait to see what God provides and make a decision at the moment. Goodness, wouldn’t it be nice if I could be that flexible about other “seasons” in my life?

Like Christmas, which I expect to go a certain way.

Summer vacations should be “just so.”

My kids’ birthday parties I wish would be smooth and stress-free.

The dinner I made was supposed to turn out well.

Or, like tomorrow. For which I certainly have expectations. Expectations that Jesus may, or may not, see the same way.

The Season We Want Is Not Always the Season We Get

Biblically, the concept of seasons is obviously not just about weather. When God left us Solomon’s wisdom on this in the book of Ecclesiastes, he did not assign any particular time to those descriptions. Instead, he just gave us words. Words that describe opposite ends of the human experience that may pop up at any point, not necessarily because we’ve done anything right. And, not necessarily because we’ve done anything wrong. But, just because he has allowed that “season” for that time. As it says…

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace” (Ecc. 3:1-8 NIV).

And, in a similar vein from Matthew…

“He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt. 5:45 NIV).

In short, we should expect that our experiences or “seasons” in life, whether long or short, important or mundane, are going to vary and that’s part of the design.

Cultivating Peace in Every Season… (to finish the full post, link here).

For many years before I published anything, I felt I should be writing. And, in an act of even more fear/stubbornness, I had people telling me I should be writing and I still didn’t do it! I lead with this story of resistance because, while it may not be writing, many of us can identify with feeling like we are supposed to do something but we haven’t done it yet. If this is you, I just wanted to say it’s probably not too late, and even delayed compliance can be been pretty darn satisfying. Okay, on to the studies!

For those who are unfamiliar with these books, I thought I would pass along a brief synopsis of each. And then, if you are so inclined, pick up one (or a few!) this week until March 8th while they are on sale for my birthday week. Descriptions below…

Cultivating Joy (Philippians)

Cultivating Joy was the very first study I put out in 2018. It covers the book of Philippians and the practices and principles Paul uses to cultivate joy, rather than frustration or disappointment. It has a lot of practical applications that are influenced by my training as a mental health therapist and more than a few amusing thoughts and stories. As with all of the studies, it is designed with all of the verses, reading, and questions included for five weeks of study, four days of study per week. To order link here.

The God Blanket (Colossians)

The God Blanket came out in the fall of 2020 and was a unique labor of love during the pandemic. Of the three, it is the most “theologically dense” and challenged me in research and history in ways the others did not. It has some neat ties to the Old Testament and, despite the intensity of some of the text, consistently returns to a theme of us forever and always being “covered” by Christ’s sacrifice. As with all of the studies, it is designed with all of the verses, reading, and questions included for five weeks of study, four days of study per week. To order link here.

When Faith Does (James)

I have a unique affection for each book, kind of the way you feel about children’s unique personalities. James came out in the fall of 2022 and was a totally different experience. Not only was it my first book not authored by Paul, but James’s teaching is so direct. If you are looking for a grace-covered kick in the pants, this is your study. It’s hard but good, just as life and God are sometimes. I love the way he asks us to change and how convinced I am to do so as he makes his case. As with all of the studies, it is designed with all of the verses, reading, and questions included for five weeks of study, four days of study per week. To order link here.

Just as I started, I will end. I’m so glad I started writing. It has been more satisfying than I ever imagined. And, it’s been even cooler that people actually care to read what I write. Thanks for all the support folks and I encourage you to jump on in if God is calling you to something. It’s a wild and awesome ride.

Writing over at the Glorious Table about long friendships and Amish Friendship Bread. It’s a good combo. See below for a preview or link to the full post here.

Many years ago, someone gave me a “starter” of Amish friendship bread. As I don’t cook, bake, or really do much of anything that falls under the “domestically gifted” category, I had never done this before. I remember holding that bag of goo and reading the instructions, learning that I had to do something to it each day for (wait for it) ten days! For those familiar with this patience-developing pastry, this will not shock you. But, for a girl whose idea of baking mostly includes breaking apart pre-made cookie dough squares that are done in 10-12 minutes, this was quite a stretch.

As ridiculous as it seemed to repeatedly squash a bag of goo for ten days, occasionally adding ingredients, I did it. Why? Partly because I was curious, partly because I am a compulsive rule-follower, and partly because I had been given the bag of goo from a friend and I felt obligated. You can’t give a bag of goo with instructions to a girl like me and not expect it to be followed, at least once. What I didn’t see coming was how many times I was going to follow those ten days of instructions. Because, as it turns out, Amish friendship bread is incredible.

The first time I got to the ten-day mark, I was excited to see what all the fuss was about. I’m reasonably sure that I must have either gone out and purchased a loaf pan or, got out a wedding present that I had never used before to hold the long-suffering goo. I put it in the oven as directed, occupied myself for the required hour of cooking (again, what is with the patience needed for this bread?!), and then dumped its sugary-crusted cinnamon-y awesomeness out onto a cooling rack. I know I said I’m no chef but even I could tell, this looked and smelled incredible.

Needless to say, the Amish friendship bread did not make it through its first evening in our home. Even with no children yet in our family, my husband and I finished it in one night. Knowing it was going to take ten more days to enjoy another one, I got another bag of goo going. And again. And again. I cannot tell you how many rounds of ten days we waited on that bread until eventually, at some point, we decided to cut ourselves off. As wonderful as it was, it probably wasn’t good for either of us to keep eating a full loaf of it in one day, even if it was every ten days. But I’m sure glad for the experience, and the parallels it made along the way.

Amish Friendship Bread Mimics Life

Amish friendship bread gets its name from its origins in the Amish culture and community. The history I read suggests that this was originally a simple sourdough starter that was served regularly in Amish homes. Additionally, the easily sharable starter bags were also shared with sick or needy families so they could maintain a bread supply in their own homes. From there, it seems to have developed into more of a dessert or creative baked good, passing between groups of friends for years to facilitate community and connection.

The parallels of the bread itself to the process of friendship aren’t hard to make but, now having friendships that have lasted as long as some of these starter batches have been around, I’m excited to list a few of them…

To read these connections link to the full post here.

Writing over at The Glorious Table today about the gap that so often exists between how we think and how God thinks. See below for a preview or link to the full post here.

In college, I ran through several majors. To be more explicit, I ran through seven majors. At one point, I was an elementary education major. But it turns out you can’t just think kids are cute and be a teacher. You have to like kids and want to educate them. I figured out rather quickly that I did not have either of these traits. I transferred to another major shortly after that.

However, even during my short tenure as an elementary education major, I absorbed some important lessons about kids. One of the most salient was regarding their artwork. I remember distinctly learning not to interpret a kid’s artwork for them by saying something like, “Oh! What a nice picture of a dog!” only to have them potentially collapse in tears, “That’s not a dog, that’s a horse!” Instead, my instructors taught us to say, “Well done! Talk to me about that,” so the child received our attention, our enthusiasm, and the opportunity to explain their creation from their own perspective.

Fast-forwarding to now, I am a parent myself, and I have a creative daughter. This child is forever painting, sketching, or “theater-ing”. While sometimes I can clearly see what she has drawn or understand her stories, sometimes I cannot. Once she explains these things to me, I think, “Phew, I’m so glad I asked. I totally had that one wrong.” The lesson I learned all those years ago to say, “Talk to me about that,” has proved useful again and again.

How Wide Is the Gap in Our Interpretations?

As I was reflecting on this advice for interpreting kids’ creations, it occurred to me that there is a strong parallel between those scenarios and faith. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “Huh, I wonder what this means? How am I supposed to interpret this?” Or, less wisely, “Oh, this must mean God is saying yes (or no).” I can think of no place more important than our faith where we ought to regularly check in with the creator and say, “Hey God! Talk to me about that.”

It seems important to review more than a few lines in Scripture that talk about the distance between God’s plan or thoughts and our ability to interpret them (emphasis mine):

• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6 NIV).
• “Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit” (Ps. 147:5 NIV).
• “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (Prov. 16:9 NIV).
• “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom” (Isa. 40:28 NIV).
• And, maybe most clearly said, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord, ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Isa. 55:9).

When Is Asking for God’s Interpretation Important?

The short answer to this question is “always.” But, for the sake of real-life application, here are some times when God’s message may seem obvious, but we would benefit from checking in to make sure our interpretation is correct.

1. When it seems like an obvious win or loss.
2. When we’re suffering.
3. When we’re sailing along.

To read the full explanation of these three examples, link here for the full post.

As promised, here’s the follow-up to when I shared about marriage speaking events with my husband. And, speaking of my husband, I would like to take this opportunity to officially blame him for all this. I had no intention of speaking in my career. But, then he started doing it and sucked me in. He’s that kind of guy, always visioneering for others, and, before you know it, you’re doing things you never thought you would. Fair warning, if you ever meet him he’ll likely try to talk you into dreaming bigger.

My Journey To Speaking Professionally

Okay, with that caveat in place, I wanted to share where this adventure of speaking has brought me. As a backdrop, my formal training is as a licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist. My grown-up jobs have been in the Division of Youth Services, working with adjudicated youth with tough backgrounds, and in the Wellness Center at Westminster College, working with college students on whatever difficulties brought them in. Additionally, I have been in some sort of lay ministry for 20+ years either through Young Life, FCA, the local church, or by association through my husband’s role as a teacher and coach.

Speaking Topic: Suicide Prevention

I speak on two mental health topics most frequently, the first being suicide prevention. I kind of stumbled into this at Westminster College when I became a QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) trainer. That certification allowed me to speak with students and staff each semester on suicide prevention. Fast forward and I have now taken those frequent engagements, my own training and experience as a therapist, and years working with young people to speak with educators and students 6th-12th grade about this difficult topic. The feedback I get most often is that this training helps people understand suicide/suicidal persons in a more compassionate way and feel better equipped to know what to do/how to respond if they find themselves or someone else in a mental health crisis. Click here to bring this presentation to your group or school.

Speaking Topic: Burnout Recovery & Prevention

While this is a topic I speak on frequently as well, it has developed more recently. The Covid-19 pandemic, the prevalence of hustle culture, and 24/7 digital access have created a uniquely intense environment for burnout. And while the overall concept is applicable to all, the primary audiences I speak with are teachers and administrators. The impact of these factors on those in helping professions such as teaching is particularly profound. When I meet with teachers and administrators we explore the concept of burnout, how elements of our education system tend to lend themselves to burnout patterns, and how both individuals and the system can operate in different ways to promote wellness and recovery. Click here to bring this presentation to your group or school.

Speaking Topic: Women’s Events/A la Carte

There’s no succinct way to describe this last section so, I’ll borrow a concept from the restaurant industry and label it a la carte. In addition to the two subjects above, I typically speak several times each year at women’s events or non-profit organizations. These events range from the intersection of faith and mental health, motherhood/parenting, women’s faith topics, grief, creativity, etc. And while these may vary in title, anywhere I speak I carry a torch for living your experience with vulnerability, authenticity, bravery, self-compassion, and connection with others. Click here if you are interested in chatting with me about this type of speaking engagement for your group or organization.

To close, while speaking was not on my personal agenda for my career, it has been such a blessing for me and, hopefully, those I am able to share with. I am grateful when people gain knowledge through these experiences, but especially when that knowledge translates into bigger and better compassion for oneself and others. Click here to explore any of my or my husband’s speaking topics, testimonials, or to listen to podcasts that will give you a sense of the kind of humor and approach we bring.

I’ve been writing and speaking for quite a few years. In that time, sometimes I get to talk about fun stuff and, sometimes it’s about tough stuff. But, today is a first because while the topic itself isn’t difficult, the angle is. I’m talking about myself, my husband, and what we do as a job sometimes. And, while people in the biz will say “it’s not self-promotion, it’s offering your gifts” until the cows come home, I expect I’ll still always feel a bit awkward about it. So, here we go, bring on the cows.

Top 5 Things My Husband and I Love About Marriage Events

1. We get to talk about how we got started. By this, I mean we get to talk about how, over a decade ago, a couple who was supposed to lead an FCA Coaches Marriage Event event had to back out of a Sunday morning session. In a moment of complete naive compulsion, we went up to the director and said, “Hey, he’s a coach and I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist. Want us to fill in?” That next morning, we gave our first talk/comedy routine and we were hooked. We really enjoyed caring for others in this way.
   
   
2. Our bent toward vulnerability is welcome. I don’t know why, but Tim and I don’t seem to have many airs. I don’t say this to be prideful, I say it to tell you that I am the kind of girl who owns what she’s not good at (i.e. cooking) and, as a couple, we regularly wear sweatpants to the store. Personality-wise, this seems to translate as marriage speakers who are real about how awesome marriage can be and how messy it can be sometimes too. At the end of one of our talks a few years ago, a man came up to us and asked if either of us were “in recovery.” If you know anything about the addiction community, this was a huge compliment. He had asked because we were so vulnerable.
   
   
3. We are qualified. Ooh, that was hard to type (can you hear the cows?) but, it is true. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and my husband is a coach. And, while that makes us particularly relevant to coaching families and organizations like the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, we have also presented at several churches. We know what it means to have a marriage under pressure, to actively work on the quality of our marriage and communication, and I have the training/theory/education undergirding what we share.
   
   
4. We are funny, apparently. I don’t necessarily get why we are funny but, I will tell you that people laugh quite a bit at our events. I’m fairly sure they are laughing with us. Maybe sometimes they are laughing at us. No matter, you can rest assured that when we speak we come with humility, ridiculous personal examples of marriage mishaps, and in-the-moment pivots for situations like that one time when I busted myself in the teeth with a microphone and the other time I fell off the stage (true stories).
   
   
5. We aren’t afraid of the awkward stuff. We talk about struggles, we talk about arguments and apologies, we talk about sex, and in faith-based spaces, we even do a little chitty-chat-chat about the concept of submission without anyone in the room imploding. We answer questions in real-time and hope no one films it for YouTube. Marriage is sacred and has sacred hard questions. We always hope to hold space for that.
   

So, there you go people. I have self-promoted myself and my hubby because our 2023 calendar is filling up and, as awkward as it is to talk about ourselves, we really do love to love on couples. If you are interested in chatting with us about coming to your town, church, or organization for a night, overnight, or weekend, we’d love to hear from you. Click here for the link to our speaking info/contact info.

PS – If you are interested in what I speak about on my own (i.e. faith, mental health, the intersection between the two, suicide prevention, educator burnout prevention, etc.) tune right back in here next Thursday. The cows and I will be back with more information.

I know it’s kinda’ trendy but no matter, I’ve been intentionally picking a “one word” for a few years now. In truth, I really enjoy the process on the front end. And, I also enjoy seeing how it plays out on the back end. Here’s how it’s gone so far:

(2019) Kindness. I believe this was my first one. And, I think I chose it because my kids were 7 and 4, kinda’ driving me bonkers.

(2020) Enjoy. The irony of seeing this printed on my desk throughout the pandemic was obvious. Also, it fit. I don’t know if ever before or ever since we will have the chance to pause and enjoy one another as we did that year.

(2021) I have no idea. I’m telling you this because I’m continuing to work on perfectionism and it is humbling that I can’t remember. We moved. We survived. I’m counting that as a win.

(2022) Simplify. I’ve learned that picking a “one word” and applying it takes practice, just like anything else. Last year was the first time I actually took action steps, intentionally “simplifying” what I gave my energy to and how many things I allowed myself to consider “doable” in a day. It was wonderful and effective. That is until I forgot for a bit this fall and overbooked myself. Oh well, I’m glad for the guidance at least most of the year.

So, now for 2023. I’m often amused by this process of discernment. To start, I try to buckle down, pray, concentrate, etc. Sometimes this yields fruit. Sometimes, nothing. This year, it was definitely nothing. So, I gave up for a while. When I tried again, it just felt like an echo chamber of last year’s “simplify”, as though I were reading a mental thesaurus. So, I gave up again. I share this to emphasize this is not always a quick process.

Finally, the other day, I heard a phrase that I know wasn’t me because I definitely thought the “word” would be far more sophisticated. Instead, this little phrase came through loud and clear, “Chill out.”

Chill out. How about that? But, as soon as I heard it, I knew it made sense. I thought a bit longer, and now, it’s narrowed down all the way.

For 2023, my one word is “free.” Ahhh.

The reason I say this fits is that, after years of change, it seems our family is hopefully in a place we will stay for a while. But, the years leading up to this were hard for this typically unanxious and confident gal, leaving me more internally skittish than I used to be. I’ve prayed to be “free” of this more times than I can count. To that end, this year’s word feels less like my own declaration and more like a gift. One I am so very happy to receive.

Of course, I can’t predict how “free” will play out. Goodness knows, I learned that lesson when “enjoy” came along. But, I do know that it feels like love and permission from God to “chill out.” There really are so few things that are worth getting worked up about. Life is often so much more simple than we make it out to be. And, we really can be free of so many things that rent space in our heads, try to weigh us down, and keep us afraid.

Free. I love it. In fact, I’ve gone ahead and started using it and I’m really enjoying it.

For “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Cor. 3:17

Blessings to you all in 2023.

I have the incredible privilege today to share one of the days of my James devotional study, When Faith Does, in Christianity Today! I have included a brief preview below or you can link to the full post here.

“Distraction, maybe even more than rebellion, is often what gets in the way of us living out our faith.” ~ Anne Rulo

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:22-27)

Maybe it’s just my personality, but the Bible makes me laugh sometimes. Occasionally these giggles come from the text, like when the disciple John competitively points out after the Resurrection that he “outran Peter and reached [Jesus’s] tomb first.” Other times it’s from how the words reflect my own special brand of ridiculousness. Today would be the latter.

I don’t have to look far to see how I recently lived out verses 23 and 24 as “someone who looks at his face in a mirror and…immediately forgets what he looks like.” Except my example was with my husband. Yesterday, I looked him straight in the face while he told me exactly two things to remember. Ten minutes later I sent this text: “I have no idea what you told me before you left.” While I’d like to claim this was an exception, it wasn’t. Like many of us, I often live in an unfocused, rushed, distracted state.

To read this full post, link here.

Link to When Faith Does or my other studies here!