God Surprised Me with My Husband

Today is our wedding anniversary. Nineteen years, two kids, and five towns later, we find ourselves in this thing called marriage. As the day approached, I found myself in a reflective mood. Not about our years together, but instead, about the years before we met. The years when I would hope and dream about the man I would marry. I laugh about it now. Because I was way off base about what I needed.

I had a vision of the kind of man I wanted to marry.  The man I thought would be a good fit for me was (in all glorious self-centeredness) a lot like me. I wanted a guy who was laid-back, a little silly, and spontaneous. I was sure he was a guy who people would label as “sweet”, charming, and who was excited about having children. He would be quick to laugh, soft-spoken, gentle, and deeply in love with me. At least I got that last part right.

I’m sharing this with you today not to tout the accolades of my husband (although I sure do like him). Rather, I hope to make a point about the “why” behind God putting folks together. He does not choose them only for each other. If He did, that would only benefit you and your spouse, and rarely is God that singularly focused. Marriage is designed to be a reflection of Him, a ministry for Him, and a place for us to grow. So, I suspect He picks out folks who best complement His plan, not our own.

To that end, this guy I ended up with? He’s very little of what I thought I wanted. And every bit of what I needed. Thank goodness.

The man God paired me with is intense, pragmatic, and practical. He is deeply passionate about developing people. He has little tolerance for surface conversation, great capacity for deep discussion, and refuses to meander through life. He is purposeful and intentional and finds no greater joy than seeing people reach their potential. He is strong, capable of managing challenges and confrontation, and has to be reminded to smile so that people don’t think he’s grumpy with his buzzed hair and intense brow.

And I’m sure God did this all on purpose…

Because God knew he would be a football coach and we would be a coaching family. The guy I dreamed up wouldn’t have been cut out for this life.

Because God knew I would struggle with post-partum depression. And, I needed a partner brave enough to say having kids was hard for him, too, so I didn’t feel so inadequate.

Because God knew I would ask repeatedly for a puppy I was allergic to, and I needed someone practical enough to say no. And because our coaching ministry would later move us to a home that didn’t allow pets.

Because God knew we would almost lose a child, and we would need strength and the ability to process that experience between us, so we could later minister to others.

Because God knew, one day, He would call me to write and I would need someone brave and visionary enough to say yes to a dream with no goal or income because he believes in me.

Because. Because He knew. God knew who would be able to encourage me toward my design and who would complement our ministry as a family.

Our marriages are about us, and at the same time, they aren’t. They are ultimately about God. They are about the work God is doing in our individual lives, and they are about how our marriages fit into the work He is doing in the world around us. No matter if you ended up with the spouse of your dreams, check in with God and see if there are ways you ended up with the spouse of His dreams.

Happy Anniversary, my love. I’d choose you as my surprise every single time.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

*Originally published 7/8/2019, updated for freshness and clarity.