Recently, outside of a closed bathroom door, I became keenly aware of something. Arms extended up the trim, leaning forward, I was talking with my daughter when it occurred to me, “I seem to be in this position a lot lately.”
If I remember clearly, the conversation that morning was about an earring issue because the whole wearing earrings thing is fairly new. But, on other mornings it has been a hair issue, an outfit issue, a tummy-doesn’t-feel-good issue, or something else not necessarily new but, my location is.
Because, instead of being inside the door to solve the problem, I’m outside. And, I’m trying to figure out how I feel about that.
To be clear, this burgeoning young lady isn’t refusing to open the door. Instead, she is saying things like:
“I want to do it myself.”
“I want to try on my own.”
“Can you just tell me what to do?”
It’s the voice of independence I have prayed for, with both of my children. However, I also grieve when it manifests in real-life words, behaviors, and attitudes.
Maybe that’s what makes it hurt a little bit more. I’ve done this to myself.
- Like the first time you read a book on your own.
- And when I stopped dressing you.
- When you jumped out of the car and didn’t look back.
- And when you spent the night. And, I didn’t get a call to come get you.
To all the Moms who have gone through this journey (or are going through it now) to the other side of the door, the other side of the text, the other side of the state, or even the other side of the world, it is both beautiful and hard to exist in this space.
And, it’s necessary.
We desperately want children who practice solving their own problems. We want young adults who say, “Teach me how to do it myself.” We want kids who know how to ask for help but also get excited when they can do more, and more, and more…all on their own.
Because, what we ultimately want, is to work ourselves out of a “job” and into life-long healthy, secure relationships with our precious kiddos.
So, as much as it hurts a little with each step you take, press on independent girl.
And, should you need me, I’ll be right here on the other side of the door.
Photo by Super Snapper on Unsplash
Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!
Anne Rulo 