Tag: relationships

Love Sounds Different Over Time

Anne Rulo

Each February, we are reminded of the loss of our final grandparent. Born in the Great Depression, orphaned as a child, and armed with only an elementary education, Grandma wed as a teen, raised 5 kids, became a supervisor, and was married for 56 years.

It is not lost on me the privilege of being married to her college-educated grandson who has never known poverty, hunger, or lack of opportunity. What a difference a generation makes. We will miss her and are grateful for her life-long tenacity that ripples through our family.

Grandma’s passing highlighted something I’ve been thinking about and, ironically, had hoped to share near Valentine’s Day. It’s the idea that love sounds different over time. Whether with our children, our spouse, or our parents, the way we offer care and affection shifts with the seasons of our lives. My hope is we may be greatly blessed if we can recognize it in its different forms. Here are just a few ways my own has changed, or I imagine it might someday…

Anne Rulo Love Sounds Different Over Time

For Our Children

  • “Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, Never to part, baby of mine.”
  • “You had a nightmare? Come here, you are safe.”
  • “I know you’re scared, you can do this.”
  • “Don’t let other people tell you who you are.”
  • “I know it’s weird, but this is a gift of growing up.”
  • “I know you love him, but do you respect him?”
  • “I’m so proud of how you worked these last four years.”
  • “There are other fish in the sea.”
  • “So, she’s the one? I’m so happy for you.”
  • “Do you want me with you at the hospital or wait until he’s born?”
  • “Let me keep the kids so you can go out.”

For Our Spouse

  • “You’re cute.”
  • “I love so much.”
  • “Sure, I’ll stay up and study.”
  • “I am so excited to marry you.”
  • “Wanna’ lay here all day?’
  • “I’ll get up with her this time.”
  • “Can I make you some soup? Toast?”
  • “Did you pack your pills?”
  • “We’re going to be okay.”
  • “Do you want me to help you call people?”
  • “What songs do you want for the service?”
  • “I’ll see you again when I get there.”

For Our Parents

  • “I wuv you, Mama.”
  • “I need a hug.”
  • “Can you come get me from school?”
  • “For my hero essay…”
  • “I don’t know what to do.”
  • “I want you to meet this guy…”
  • “We’d love to go on a trip with you.”
  • “Do you want me to come to the appointment?”
  • “I can move/open that.”
  • “How can I help?”
  • “Guess what the kids did?!”
  • “It’s your decision.”
  • “It’s okay to go Home. I love you.”

No matter how love currently sounds in your relationships, I hope you can cherish the way it shifts over time. From season to season, the way we offer love sounds different. What a gift to have the privilege to hear it change.

Photo by Jake Thacker on Unsplash, used with permission.

Originally published in February 2024, updated for freshness & clarity.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!

Why It’s Hard to Say We’re Wrong

Anne Rulo

The other day I called my husband and my Mom answered. This was very strange since he was at work and we live over 150 miles from her. My internal dialogue, when she answered, was as follows:

“Why is Mom there?”
“Wait, no. The phone company must have mixed up my close contacts.”
“Ohhh, maybe I dialed the wrong number.”

That’s right. Not until the third try did I possibly consider that my Mom had neither traveled for hours without my knowledge to hang out with my husband at work nor had the cell towers conflated my contacts. And, while I wish this were the only example…

Later that same day, I went to pick up my son from archery practice. When he didn’t come out right away it began again:

“That’s weird, he’s usually out here early.”
“Huh, all the other kids are coming and going. He must have had to stay.”
(teacher starts walking towards my car…) “Hi, Caleb has archery for the next hour.”

“Ohhh. I’m an hour early.”

Anne Rulo Why It's Psychologically Hard to Say We're Wrong

10 Reasons It’s Psychologically Hard to Say We’re Wrong

While these are (very) silly examples. It’s a good illustration of how hard it is for our brains to shift when we are “certain” we are right. Even when facts that should change our minds are right in front of us, it can be hard to switch. I hope my own ridiculous day of miscues can remind us of the following:

  1. Considering being wrong requires intentionality.
  2. Considering being wrong requires practice.
  3. Our brains will try to convince us we are right unless we are willing to consider evidence that suggests otherwise.
  4. While pride may be a reason we don’t want to believe we are wrong, there are psychological hurdles even before that we have to overcome.
  5. One reason these hurdles exist is because habitual thinking is how our brains are wired.
  6. Additionally, it just feels better psychologically and emotionally to consider confirming, rather than disconfirming, information.
  7. We are in danger of staying wrong if we create unhealthy echo chambers.
  8. Because of how much effort it takes our brains to consider we might be wrong, when things aren’t adding up we may need to say out loud, “Are there other options I’m not considering?”
  9. Being able to consider that we may be wrong and/or compromise is essential to healthy relationships.
  10. If you discover you are wrong, or someone else recognizes they are wrong, receive this with gentleness and compassion so the process becomes welcome, rather than psychologically “scary.”

Remember, we are all human, flawed creatures. This means sometimes we aren’t going to have all the information, misunderstand, or just plain make a mistake.

May we all enhance our ability to consider we may be wrong and/or receive the mistakes of others with grace. It sure does sound like a gentler, more compassionate way forward.

Photo by George Becker, used with permission.