Tag: life

To My Daughter: No, I’m Not “The Best Mom Ever”

Anne Rulo

When my daughter was eight, she gave me one of those small metallic-looking balloons on a stick. It read, “Best Mom Ever,” and she put it on my nightstand.

Do you know where that balloon was a year later? Still on my nightstand, full and shiny as ever, because those balloons apparently never, ever die.

The day I finally freed the balloon to its final resting place, I had a thought. “I hope she doesn’t always think I’m ‘the best Mom ever.’ I guess I’m going to have to tell her that.”

Anne Rulo Not Best Mom Ever

You Get What You Get

Of course, we all get what we get when it comes to Moms. And, a lot of folks have Mom pain, Mom conflict, and/or estranged relationships with their Mamas. Yes, that Mom-child relationship can be difficult, complicated, and painful.

But what if you hit the Mom jackpot? Like, you ended up with an incredible Mom who fits you like a glove, loves you, cherishes you, and still supports you to this day?

This, dear readers, is the kind of Mom I got. She is exceptional. Which is why I know exactly what I need to tell my own daughter someday.

You see, when you get a great Mom like mine, you don’t think about what you want to do differently with your own children. Instead, because you saw someone do it so well, you think doing it like she did is the way to go. And (despite her never suggesting that her way was the “right” way) once I became a Mom, I really did try to do it like she did…for a while. But what I ended up finding out was that I couldn’t do it “just like her.”

Turns out, that’s because I’m me.

My kids are different from the ones she had. My husband is different than the one she parented with. The time, place, and culture where we live are different than when she raised kids. Yes, I realize now how silly it was for me to think that doing it just like she did was even an option. There are too many variables.

And, there are so many good and different ways to be a great Mom.

That is what I need my daughter, all daughters, to know.

An Important PSA for the Daughters of Mothers They Admire

My precious daughter, there is no such thing as “the best Mom ever.” There is, simply, the one that you got. I tried my best with the time, talents, and gifts God gave me to love you well. But one of the biggest gifts I can ever give you is to know you don’t have to be like me. Instead, you have the freedom to be you. As a woman, as a wife, and, of course, as a Mom.

And I will be right here cheering you on. Just like my own Mom did for me.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

Photo by Eldar Nazarov on Unsplash, used with permission

Love Sounds Different Over Time

Anne Rulo

Each February, we are reminded of the loss of our final grandparent. Born in the Great Depression, orphaned as a child, and armed with only an elementary education, Grandma wed as a teen, raised 5 kids, became a supervisor, and was married for 56 years.

It is not lost on me the privilege of being married to her college-educated grandson who has never known poverty, hunger, or lack of opportunity. What a difference a generation makes. We will miss her and are grateful for her life-long tenacity that ripples through our family.

Grandma’s passing highlighted something I’ve been thinking about and, ironically, had hoped to share near Valentine’s Day. It’s the idea that love sounds different over time. Whether with our children, our spouse, or our parents, the way we offer care and affection shifts with the seasons of our lives. My hope is we may be greatly blessed if we can recognize it in its different forms. Here are just a few ways my own has changed, or I imagine it might someday…

Anne Rulo Love Sounds Different Over Time

For Our Children

  • “Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, Never to part, baby of mine.”
  • “You had a nightmare? Come here, you are safe.”
  • “I know you’re scared, you can do this.”
  • “Don’t let other people tell you who you are.”
  • “I know it’s weird, but this is a gift of growing up.”
  • “I know you love him, but do you respect him?”
  • “I’m so proud of how you worked these last four years.”
  • “There are other fish in the sea.”
  • “So, she’s the one? I’m so happy for you.”
  • “Do you want me with you at the hospital or wait until he’s born?”
  • “Let me keep the kids so you can go out.”

For Our Spouse

  • “You’re cute.”
  • “I love so much.”
  • “Sure, I’ll stay up and study.”
  • “I am so excited to marry you.”
  • “Wanna’ lay here all day?’
  • “I’ll get up with her this time.”
  • “Can I make you some soup? Toast?”
  • “Did you pack your pills?”
  • “We’re going to be okay.”
  • “Do you want me to help you call people?”
  • “What songs do you want for the service?”
  • “I’ll see you again when I get there.”

For Our Parents

  • “I wuv you, Mama.”
  • “I need a hug.”
  • “Can you come get me from school?”
  • “For my hero essay…”
  • “I don’t know what to do.”
  • “I want you to meet this guy…”
  • “We’d love to go on a trip with you.”
  • “Do you want me to come to the appointment?”
  • “I can move/open that.”
  • “How can I help?”
  • “Guess what the kids did?!”
  • “It’s your decision.”
  • “It’s okay to go Home. I love you.”

No matter how love currently sounds in your relationships, I hope you can cherish the way it shifts over time. From season to season, the way we offer love sounds different. What a gift to have the privilege to hear it change.

Photo by Jake Thacker on Unsplash, used with permission.

Originally published in February 2024, updated for freshness & clarity.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!

One Word 2025: Healthy (But Not Like You’d Think)

Anne Rulo

If choosing “one word” for the New Year seems cliche, choosing the word “healthy” might be even more so. But, while it is the word I feel like I was given, the concept is much more holistic. Here’s what being “healthy” this coming year means…

Anne Rulo One Word 2025 Healthy

  • I’m going to make a dentist appointment. Why has everyone else in my family been to the dentist? Because Moms sometimes choose unnecessary self-sacrifice. Then, three years later, we look around and say, “Why haven’t I been to the dentist?”

  • Redefining what feels indulgent. Working out, reading a book, taking a walk, going to bed before my kids, showering…all things that I put off far too often for other things that “seem” more important. Hello self, it is more than okay to stop, shower, care for your physical health, and get a full night’s sleep.

  • Doing less to do more. I am not a high-energy person. Never have been. But, while my kids are at school I sometimes push myself to get “just one more thing done” because it seems like that’s what I should be doing when I have “free” time. Turns out, all that does is drain me for the time they are home. The plan is to pause more often so I can be more present with them.

  • Feed my kids more frequently. I know this may sound strange but we are not “meal” people. This is partly because I dislike cooking but partly because our schedules are wonky. Being more of a “continual grazing” family will hopefully align better with our busy schedules, the children’s quickly growing bodies, their lightening metabolism, and take pressure off “meals.”

  • Prioritize connection. Sometimes I don’t call folks because I feel like I “should” get to the to-do list or, worse, get to the “end of the list.” Turns out, there’s no such place. Tasks will always be there. People won’t.

  • Prioritize personal writing. Whew, this one is shaky but I am hopeful. Because these are my deadlines and not someone else’s, I put personal projects off until nearly everything else is done. Thus, these projects lag and lag, not getting done for my own satisfaction or published for readers for their encouragement.

To close, I would like to extend a thank you to Clarissa Pinkola Estés, whose following quote served as a touchstone in the journey to this year’s direction…

I’ve seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write… and you know it’s a funny thing about housecleaning… it never comes to an end. Perfect way to stop a woman. A woman must be careful to not allow over-responsibility (or over-respectabilty) to steal her necessary creative rests, riffs, and raptures. She simply must put her foot down and say no to half of what she believes she “should” be doing. Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments only.

Art, like life, is not meant to exist only in stolen moments. Hopefully being “healthy” in these ways will help turn any unhealthy patterns inside out.

Blessings on your own adventures in 2025!

Previous “One Words”

And, just for my own sake (and in case you’re curious!) below are my “one words” from years past. It is interesting to see what they were in that season and how they’ve played out over the years.

(2019) Kindness. I believe this was my first one. And, I think I chose it because my kids were 7 and 4, kinda’ driving me bonkers.

(2020) Enjoy. The irony of seeing this printed on my desk throughout the pandemic was obvious. Also, it fit. I don’t know if ever before or ever since we will have the chance to pause and enjoy one another as we did that year.

(2021) I have no idea. I’m telling you this because I continue to work on perfectionism and it is humbling that I can’t remember. We moved. We survived. I’m counting that as a win.

(2022) Simplify. I’ve learned that picking “one word” and applying it takes practice, just like anything else. Last year was the first time I took action steps, intentionally “simplifying” what I gave my energy to and how many things I allowed myself to consider “doable” in a day. It was wonderful and effective. That is until I forgot for a bit in the fall and overbooked myself. Oh well, I’m glad for the guidance at least most of the year.

(2023) Chill Out/Free. This one was such a struggle. Sometimes discerning the word for the year comes easily and sometimes it doesn’t. But, once it finally did, it was such a relief. This was a year where things (finally) felt consistent and fear-free for the first time in a long, long time.

(2024) Focus. While I always strive to remember that I am a limited human, my ambition sometimes clouds that truth. Leading into 2024, I had a few experiences that told me I was trying to be too much, do too much, and thus, not being particularly effective at anything. It has been a joy this past year to live a more “limited” existence, moving more slowly, and intentionally doing only one thing at a time.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!

Photo by Paico Oficial on Unsplash

Why It’s Hard to Say We’re Wrong

Anne Rulo

The other day I called my husband and my Mom answered. This was very strange since he was at work and we live over 150 miles from her. My internal dialogue, when she answered, was as follows:

“Why is Mom there?”
“Wait, no. The phone company must have mixed up my close contacts.”
“Ohhh, maybe I dialed the wrong number.”

That’s right. Not until the third try did I possibly consider that my Mom had neither traveled for hours without my knowledge to hang out with my husband at work nor had the cell towers conflated my contacts. And, while I wish this were the only example…

Later that same day, I went to pick up my son from archery practice. When he didn’t come out right away it began again:

“That’s weird, he’s usually out here early.”
“Huh, all the other kids are coming and going. He must have had to stay.”
(teacher starts walking towards my car…) “Hi, Caleb has archery for the next hour.”

“Ohhh. I’m an hour early.”

Anne Rulo Why It's Psychologically Hard to Say We're Wrong

10 Reasons It’s Psychologically Hard to Say We’re Wrong

While these are (very) silly examples. It’s a good illustration of how hard it is for our brains to shift when we are “certain” we are right. Even when facts that should change our minds are right in front of us, it can be hard to switch. I hope my own ridiculous day of miscues can remind us of the following:

  1. Considering being wrong requires intentionality.
  2. Considering being wrong requires practice.
  3. Our brains will try to convince us we are right unless we are willing to consider evidence that suggests otherwise.
  4. While pride may be a reason we don’t want to believe we are wrong, there are psychological hurdles even before that we have to overcome.
  5. One reason these hurdles exist is because habitual thinking is how our brains are wired.
  6. Additionally, it just feels better psychologically and emotionally to consider confirming, rather than disconfirming, information.
  7. We are in danger of staying wrong if we create unhealthy echo chambers.
  8. Because of how much effort it takes our brains to consider we might be wrong, when things aren’t adding up we may need to say out loud, “Are there other options I’m not considering?”
  9. Being able to consider that we may be wrong and/or compromise is essential to healthy relationships.
  10. If you discover you are wrong, or someone else recognizes they are wrong, receive this with gentleness and compassion so the process becomes welcome, rather than psychologically “scary.”

Remember, we are all human, flawed creatures. This means sometimes we aren’t going to have all the information, misunderstand, or just plain make a mistake.

May we all enhance our ability to consider we may be wrong and/or receive the mistakes of others with grace. It sure does sound like a gentler, more compassionate way forward.

Photo by George Becker, used with permission.