Tag: family

To My Daughter: No, I’m Not “The Best Mom Ever”

Anne Rulo

When my daughter was eight, she gave me one of those small metallic-looking balloons on a stick. It read, “Best Mom Ever,” and she put it on my nightstand.

Do you know where that balloon was a year later? Still on my nightstand, full and shiny as ever, because those balloons apparently never, ever die.

The day I finally freed the balloon to its final resting place, I had a thought. “I hope she doesn’t always think I’m ‘the best Mom ever.’ I guess I’m going to have to tell her that.”

Anne Rulo Not Best Mom Ever

You Get What You Get

Of course, we all get what we get when it comes to Moms. And, a lot of folks have Mom pain, Mom conflict, and/or estranged relationships with their Mamas. Yes, that Mom-child relationship can be difficult, complicated, and painful.

But what if you hit the Mom jackpot? Like, you ended up with an incredible Mom who fits you like a glove, loves you, cherishes you, and still supports you to this day?

This, dear readers, is the kind of Mom I got. She is exceptional. Which is why I know exactly what I need to tell my own daughter someday.

You see, when you get a great Mom like mine, you don’t think about what you want to do differently with your own children. Instead, because you saw someone do it so well, you think doing it like she did is the way to go. And (despite her never suggesting that her way was the “right” way) once I became a Mom, I really did try to do it like she did…for a while. But what I ended up finding out was that I couldn’t do it “just like her.”

Turns out, that’s because I’m me.

My kids are different from the ones she had. My husband is different than the one she parented with. The time, place, and culture where we live are different than when she raised kids. Yes, I realize now how silly it was for me to think that doing it just like she did was even an option. There are too many variables.

And, there are so many good and different ways to be a great Mom.

That is what I need my daughter, all daughters, to know.

An Important PSA for the Daughters of Mothers They Admire

My precious daughter, there is no such thing as “the best Mom ever.” There is, simply, the one that you got. I tried my best with the time, talents, and gifts God gave me to love you well. But one of the biggest gifts I can ever give you is to know you don’t have to be like me. Instead, you have the freedom to be you. As a woman, as a wife, and, of course, as a Mom.

And I will be right here cheering you on. Just like my own Mom did for me.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

Photo by Eldar Nazarov on Unsplash, used with permission

Love Sounds Different Over Time

Anne Rulo

Each February, we are reminded of the loss of our final grandparent. Born in the Great Depression, orphaned as a child, and armed with only an elementary education, Grandma wed as a teen, raised 5 kids, became a supervisor, and was married for 56 years.

It is not lost on me the privilege of being married to her college-educated grandson who has never known poverty, hunger, or lack of opportunity. What a difference a generation makes. We will miss her and are grateful for her life-long tenacity that ripples through our family.

Grandma’s passing highlighted something I’ve been thinking about and, ironically, had hoped to share near Valentine’s Day. It’s the idea that love sounds different over time. Whether with our children, our spouse, or our parents, the way we offer care and affection shifts with the seasons of our lives. My hope is we may be greatly blessed if we can recognize it in its different forms. Here are just a few ways my own has changed, or I imagine it might someday…

Anne Rulo Love Sounds Different Over Time

For Our Children

  • “Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, Never to part, baby of mine.”
  • “You had a nightmare? Come here, you are safe.”
  • “I know you’re scared, you can do this.”
  • “Don’t let other people tell you who you are.”
  • “I know it’s weird, but this is a gift of growing up.”
  • “I know you love him, but do you respect him?”
  • “I’m so proud of how you worked these last four years.”
  • “There are other fish in the sea.”
  • “So, she’s the one? I’m so happy for you.”
  • “Do you want me with you at the hospital or wait until he’s born?”
  • “Let me keep the kids so you can go out.”

For Our Spouse

  • “You’re cute.”
  • “I love so much.”
  • “Sure, I’ll stay up and study.”
  • “I am so excited to marry you.”
  • “Wanna’ lay here all day?’
  • “I’ll get up with her this time.”
  • “Can I make you some soup? Toast?”
  • “Did you pack your pills?”
  • “We’re going to be okay.”
  • “Do you want me to help you call people?”
  • “What songs do you want for the service?”
  • “I’ll see you again when I get there.”

For Our Parents

  • “I wuv you, Mama.”
  • “I need a hug.”
  • “Can you come get me from school?”
  • “For my hero essay…”
  • “I don’t know what to do.”
  • “I want you to meet this guy…”
  • “We’d love to go on a trip with you.”
  • “Do you want me to come to the appointment?”
  • “I can move/open that.”
  • “How can I help?”
  • “Guess what the kids did?!”
  • “It’s your decision.”
  • “It’s okay to go Home. I love you.”

No matter how love currently sounds in your relationships, I hope you can cherish the way it shifts over time. From season to season, the way we offer love sounds different. What a gift to have the privilege to hear it change.

Photo by Jake Thacker on Unsplash, used with permission.

Originally published in February 2024, updated for freshness & clarity.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!