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Holy Week is so interesting. I don’t mean to sound cheesy, but as someone who did not have a liturgical church upbringing, I find the traditions of this week fascinating to learn as an adult. For example, my husband was raised in a Lutheran Church and speaks affectionately about the tradition and intentionality around Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday. Of these, the one I have come to find particularly meaningful is the Good Friday service.

In this tradition and many others, that service ends with a “strepitus.” Certainly a new word to my vocabulary, strepitus is Latin for “great noise.” At the end of the service, the lights dim, and someone will slam a book, create “thunder” via a sheet of metal, scrape a bench across the floor, or use some other means to create a racket. The reference for the noise seems to vary, with some using it as a representation of the earthquake after Christ’s death and others as a way to mimic the closing of the tomb. Regardless, the strepitus symbolizes the finality of His death and the work He did on the cross.

It is a fitting and thunderous echo of the power of His final words, “It is finished.”

As I considered how we can prepare for Easter, the thought of that noise brought an image to my mind. Darn if God didn’t shut that tomb tight, yet we can’t resist knocking on it.

Please forgive the potential irreverence, but with the urgency of a child standing outside the bathroom door, sometimes we can’t seem to leave Jesus alone. We find ourselves panicked and worried that He has something we need in there, while He is just telling us to leave Him alone and let Him do His business.

Us: Hey! Hey Jesus! Hey! I need something in there!

J: No, you don’t. I’ve given you everything you need and I know what I am doing in here.

Us: But Jesus, I NEEEEED something in there.

J: Hey, would you trust me? Anything I brought in here with me you do not need.

Us: But, but, Jesus, please?! Could you please open up the door and get me…

The shame I think I’m supposed to keep carrying?
The mistake I made all those years ago?
The insecurity you freed me from?
That thing you told me “no” about?
The opportunity I want, but you protected me from?
That habit that gives me comfort but takes me further from You?
The old opinion I used to have of myself?
The mistaken opinions others have of me?
The works I think make me worthy of Your love?
The pride I have in my own abilities?

J: No, my child. You are not supposed to take any of that stuff back. Those things are why I am here. Please leave it here with Me.

My goodness.

For all that is Holy (literally), we have to quit banging on that tomb and trying to drag stuff back out. The ONLY thing that was ever supposed to come back out of that dark space was Him. We have to stop trying to resurrect all that other stuff He took in there to die. He took it because He loves us. He took it because He wanted to carry it for us. He took it and He took it for keeps.

I pray each of you experiences a sweeter and deeper Easter than any you have known before. And, no matter where you are or how you celebrate on Good Friday I hope you will take a moment, hand Him your stuff, and let Him shut the door.

It. Is. Finished.

*Originally published 4/15/2019, updated for freshness and clarity.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

I love Holy Week. And, somehow, I think I love it more because I didn’t grow up in church. Until I became a Christian at sixteen, Easter was simply the fun of a new dress, searching for my basket, and gathering eggs at my grandmother’s house. And, even though it wasn’t Jesus-adjacent, I appreciate the memories of those early days.

Later, after I married, I had the additional privilege of getting to know Easter not just as Resurrection Sunday but also as a week-long celebration per my husband’s Lutheran upbringing. Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday were all new to me. It was neat to add those extra days of understanding, sweetening the crescendo up to a victorious Easter celebration.

Interestingly, a lot happened on those less “famous” days of Holy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday. As a light appetizer, I’ll offer just a little here. Scholars suggest that on Monday, Jesus cleared the temple. On Tuesday, He visited the Mount of Olives, where He would later be betrayed. Wednesday (also referred to as “Spy Wednesday”) is suggested as the day Judas made the decision to betray Jesus. And, finally Saturday, (sometimes referred to as “Black Saturday”) when Jesus lay in the tomb.

While considering these extra pieces of the Easter story, a broader lesson came to mind. Investigating these more obscure days in Jesus’s last week on earth was a simple reminder that there is much to learn about Him “in between the highlight reel.” As we look closer, we learn more about this important week and other experiences He lived. And, we get not only Sunday School level Jesus, but also witness some of the finer nuances of His character. Just as when we spend time getting to know people, when we take the time to know God more intimately, it helps us love, appreciate, and understand Him even more.

During the upcoming Holy Week, I pray you are blessed by learning more about who He was…and is! And, I pray that practice also encourages us to spend time learning and developing deeper relationships with others. I love that any lesson we learn about Jesus ultimately has an amazing application for our daily lives as well.

Holy Week happened a long, long time ago, but its implications are as modern-day as they come. Blessings to each of you as the victory of Easter Sunday approaches. May you deeply know Him—and be deeply known. This is where life is truly lived.

(For those interested in a deeper dive, a thorough infographic on Holy Week events can be found here.)

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash, used with permission

*Originally published 3/30/2021, updated for freshness and clarity.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

My aunt recently sent me a book, The Gift of Perspective, by Kansas City author Lindsey Roy. While the entire story is chock-full of inspiration on coping with adversity, it was the brief mention of a question she occasionally asks her kids that really blessed me.

“Every once in a while, I tell my kids and husband we are going to do family performance reviews. Each person gets to tell the other members of the family one thing they really appreciate and one thing they wish the other person would start/stop/change…most kids get plenty of feedback from [their] parents, so it’s useful to turn the tables.” (p. 29)

She goes on to say that while not every suggestion will be good or lead to action, the perspective you can gain is valuable. And so, (rather impulsively I might add) I asked the question. Turns out, she was right.

First up, my (8yo) daughter. “Hey, what is one thing Mommy does well and one thing you would like her to do differently?” After reassuring her this was not a trick and I really wanted to know, she said:

“I love that you keep the house picked up and tidy, like the pillows on the couch.” And, “I wish you would cook more.”

Okay, “I wish you would cook more” was not a surprise, I don’t like cooking. But, the reason around it was. She meant she wanted me to be more prepared with food rather than waiting until the last minute or forgetting snacks. She wasn’t asking me to change what I cook. It was just thinking about food in a way that helped her feel more secure. I get that.

But, the house picked up? You could have knocked me over with a feather because this child is a wake of creative chaos. She moves from one activity, mess, set of supplies, etc. with complete abandon. For her to want a “tidy” home completely shocked me until we kept talking and I got it. Her home is the space that allows her to explore who she is. And, for her, it’s easier to do that in a calm, clean space.

On to my (12yo) son. His first answer was a total dude response, “I love everything you do Mom.” Okay kid, fine. But, he did ask for one change. “Will you learn to play video games so we can play together?” Further conversation polished something I already knew. This child loves games of any kind. And, he’s hyper-competitive. Because I am not, I tend to avoid it. He’d noticed and was inviting me back into the things that are important to him.

So, now that we are a month in, here’s what’s changed:

• I don’t like cooking any more than I did. But, I am more motivated to think ahead about what we are having and include my daughter in the process because she finds value in it. Side benefit, I enjoy being more prepared and we’ve had more family meals at the table.
  
  
• I already kept a pretty tidy home. It’s not about appearances. I just like to. It makes me feel less discombobulated. But, now when I am picking up (or helping her pick up/clean up her latest “adventure”) it feels less like a chore and more like a way I can uniquely love her in a way she values.
  
  
• We’ve played more board games as a family and my son is THRILLED. And while I don’t think I’ll ever be able to actually compete with him, I’ve learned enough for him to put me in my own little patch of grass in Minecraft to build something. Turns out, it’s not so bad and he is amused to watch me fumble alongside him.

Of course, the most important part about this post is not these specific examples. Your family and your kids will be totally different. The important part is the impact of learning “why” it might be valuable to do (or not do) something. I am 100% certain there are things I get worked up about or do that my kids could care a hill of beans about (neatly folding clothes comes to mind…they do not care). But, because I hadn’t asked, I was spinning my wheels in ways that were invaluable or neutral to them while missing the mark on things that were (fairly easy) home runs.

Let me be clear. Do my kids run my house? No. Not even close. But, do I want to be aware of and evaluate if there is a wiser, more fulfilling way to spend time with them in the handful of years I have them? Absolutely.

Here’s to parenting smarter, not harder. I’m for it.

Photo by Benjamin Manley on Unsplash, used with permission

Originally published January 30, 2024. Updated for freshness and clarity.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!

During the holidays I find myself wishing for calm. I want peaceful evenings in front of the tree and pleasant outings to see the lights. I want safe, quiet travels followed by pleasant gatherings with family and friends. I want Christmas morning marked by grateful children, the celebration of Jesus, and toys that cooperate as the instructions suggest. Yes, I want this. But, I have never experienced it. Christmas is usually better in hindsight. In the moment, it’s a bit nuts.

In truth, Christmas will probably involve some of the above paired with my children pestering one another. When we travel, someone will instinctively need to pee because we just passed the last gas station for 30 miles. The nieces and nephews will be super pumped for presents and also crying by 9 a.m. because one of them took Baby Jesus out of the manger. Both cooking and travel will be more rushed than we would like. It’s chaos before, chaos after, with moments of peace dotted in between.

But, what recently gave me pause (and brought me joy!) was realizing I have been idolizing a peaceful Christmas when the first one was anything but. In fact, it is I who decided Christmas should be peaceful. However, Jesus has given us absolutely no such assurance that will be the case. In fact, it is the chaos of our own Christmases that can actually serve to point us to Christ. Because that’s how God works…using our inadequacy to point to His perfect provision.

The Chaos of the First Christmas

In the days leading up to the first Christmas, a divinely inspired set of circumstances upended a few lives. A young girl was pregnant with a baby she didn’t fully know how to explain or understand. Her husband-to-be was perplexed that she was pregnant until an angel materialized and told him to be cool with it. They went ahead and got married while she was pregnant and began their life together. Then, as Mary neared her due date, the government told them to make their way back to their hometown for a census. Just 90 miles on foot or donkey. No big deal. Upon arrival there were no hotel rooms left, she went into labor and gave birth in a barn.

Yep. Chaos.

Then, just for a moment…

The heavens shouted glory.
The shepherds showed up to worship.
The wise men gave gifts.

And the heavens paused to celebrate the birth of the Savior. Peace, for a moment.

But, within minutes, the chaos began again. Just barely post-partum, Mary had to leave in the middle of the night because King Herod planned to kill their newborn. Furious he didn’t catch Jesus, he went about killing a bunch of other babies (Matt. 2:16-18). Literally running for their lives, Mary and Joseph had to learn how to be parents and raise the Savior of the world in a foreign land without family and they didn’t get to go home for a really long time.

If all this was true at the first Christmas, why have I decided mine “should” be peaceful? Why have I idolized something that was never set before me to begin with? Because like most things, we like to control how our lives roll out. We like to set parameters around how particular events are supposed to go. For this reason, mercifully, humans didn’t get to choose how Jesus came into this world because we would have mucked it all up with our priorities. Thank goodness.

May we trust Him with the chaos, the unpredictability, and the moments of joy and difficulty that we don’t even know are coming. This year, I hope it helps us worship the Savior all the more.

If you enjoyed this, please see Anne’s blog for more mental health topics around suffering, reframing difficulty, and making meaning in challenging experiences.

Originally published December 11, 2018, updated for freshness and clarity.

Throughout my childhood, I spent a lot of time in hospitals, doctor’s offices, an occasional peek in an ambulance, and attended quite a few funerals. This sounds like the start to a story of chronic childhood illness or cumulative family tragedies but, nope. I just happen to be the daughter of a nurse, the niece of a doctor and a paramedic, and come from a family with a LOT of people in it. And, sometimes they died. Nothing tragic (usually) just volume.

With this upbringing, imagine my surprise when my new husband from a much smaller family shared he’d never been to a funeral until he was in high school and rarely been in a hospital save busting up his own body in sports. Through this, I found myself in the surprising position of sharing with him how to best support sick and hurting people. Turns out, it is a learned skill.

Twenty years later, the hubby and I are old pros but, now we have children who go with us to the hospital, funerals, and community members’ bedsides. A new generation doesn’t “just know.” They benefit from being taught timeless social skills that will ultimately bless them and those they interact with.

5 Timeless Social Skills We Can Teach Our Kiddos

Visiting Bedsides: A dear friend in her 80s recently had a stroke. As we prepared to visit her we described, in developmentally appropriate language, how she may look and speak differently now. And, we let our kids in on a few details that would help guide their expectations and sense of security such as, hospitals are quiet places, people may be sad but that’s okay, just saying hi or I love you is helpful, and encouraged them to watch and listen to Mommy and Daddy talk so they would learn how to love on someone who isn’t feeling well.

Making Phone Calls: I’m in my 40s and an introvert. I get it. Making phone calls can be awkward and unpredictable. But, our kiddos need to know how to do it both socially and for business. Phone calls to grandparents, family members, and friends are great places to start and, later, order a pizza, let a coach know they won’t be at practice, or double-check when their orthodontist appointment is. While more and more of this becomes available through apps or digital communication (which they also need to practice) we certainly don’t want to be calling their professors or utility companies once they’ve left the house.

Speak for Their Own Needs: As a person who lost her father when she was 16, this is a big one for me. While we all desperately hope to raise our children to adulthood, sometimes, it doesn’t happen. As early as developmentally possible, we can encourage our children to order their own meals at restaurants, explain their own symptoms to the doctor, check themselves in for appointments, and advocate for themselves when something goes wrong. Of course, we are there to serve as guardrails and supplement information as needed, but the stronger they feel standing on their own two feet, the more prepared they are for their futures with, or without, us in it. Owning their own voice is important.

Deescalation: Well, here’s a weird but necessary one. Have you noticed? People can get feisty sometimes while driving, in a store, at an event, or even at a family gathering. In high-emotion situations, kids have no idea how to react unless we teach them. When you receive the one-finger salute from a passing car or happen to bear witness to someone else’s altercation, it is a wonderful opportunity to talk through why you handled it the way you did or what options your kiddos have whenever somebody ends up having a bad day at their expense.

Offer Help: Awww, this is one we’ve only recently been able to fully embrace. While we’ve always encouraged our kiddos to be helpful with little things here and there, my son is now at an age and strength when he can really step in for folks. Recently, he has gotten out of the car twice at Sam’s to help an older person manage something like loading a dozen cases of water or gargantuan bags of dog food. Once, the help was accepted. The person was grateful and he felt good being able to help. In the other, the person was kind but rejected the help citing her desire to handle it herself and organize. He was bummed but learned an important lesson about honoring other’s decisions and independence and, the value of asking even if it doesn’t “work out.”

Raising these little people into adults is not an easy feat. However, as much as we can encourage them to develop independent social skills and stand on their own two feet in developmentally appropriate ways, the better off they (and we) will be. May we help them fly and nourish their roots as long as we have the privilege to do so.

For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!

*Originally published November 2023, updated for freshness and clarity.

Photo by Jem Sahagun on Unsplash, used with permission

At a recent conference, my husband fielded a question about managing some of the more challenging parts of his career. Because he is a football coach, the focus was on the public nature of his job. However, his answer was more broadly applicable. He said, “When things get tough, it is tempting to isolate. But, instead of isolating, what we really need to do is insulate, carefully choosing the people and practices that will help us get through.”

Insulating rather than isolating. I thought this phrase was brilliant.

For many of us, when something difficult happens, our instinct is to hide. This may be physically hiding, such as not leaving the house or avoiding public interaction or, it may be emotionally hiding, not sharing our pain with others. It may take the form of mentally or psychologically hiding, telling ourselves, “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine.” Or, even spiritually hiding by avoiding the intimacy of prayer and numbing with other habits.

To that end, this call he made about insulating, rather than isolating, smartly addresses several issues:

• When we are in a crisis, we literally cannot think as well as we do at other times. Our brains are wired to keep us safe when threatened, but they don’t do a great job of being rational at the same time. If we can keep communicating with one or two safe people, we are less likely to be overwhelmed or misled by our thoughts and emotions.
  
  
• Insulating, rather than isolating, honors the fragility of what we are experiencing without totally shutting down our lives. It is about choosing safer people, places, and times rather than not leaving the house at all or holding everyone at a distance.
  
  
• When going through a difficult time, giving ourselves permission to temporarily insulate with safe people and restorative practices is actually a faster, healthier way back to “normal” than isolating or gritting our way through.
  
  
• Insulating, not isolating, honors how we are designed. Social connectedness is scientifically tied to longevity, mental health, physical health, and the ability to cope. While isolating may feel safer, insulating practices actually protect and heal us best.

Encountering difficult times is not a choice, it happens to all of us (John 16:33, Matt. 5:45). However, how we respond to them is. For all of us whose instinct is to isolate physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually when things get tough, maybe next time we can choose insulation as we heal and the storm blows over.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!

Photo by Amin Hasani on Unsplash, used with permission

*Originally published 7/20/23, edited for freshness & clarity

One of the (not-super-serious) things that bummed me out during Covid was not going to the movies. Fast-forward to this past weekend and our first attempt to see Inside Out 2 was sold out! Sold out, friends! People are going to the movies again, hallelujah!

Later that day, we got in. As a therapist, I’m sure no one is shocked to know the original Inside Out is one of my all-time favorite movies (whispers: that perhaps should be required viewing for all humans who interact with other humans). But, with that level of endorsement and personal affection, I was eyeing the sequel with hesitation. “Please, don’t mess it up. Please don’t mess it up.”

Spoiler Alert: They didn’t.

Additional Spoiler Alert: There are a lot of spoilers below. Read at your own discretion.

Inside Out 2: My Mom/Therapist Thoughts & Discussion Questions

There are several ways IO2 built well upon the original, here are just a few:

1. It expanded the number of emotions. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a person’s ability to understand and manage their emotions and recognize those of others. One helpful way to increase someone’s EQ is to expand their “emotional vocabulary” from basic emotions such as happy, sad, and mad to include more nuanced emotional experiences. The addition of Anxiety, Envy, Ennui (“it’s what you would call the boredom”), and Embarrassment did just that.
   
   
2. It highlighted the purpose behind emotions. One of the difficult traps we sometimes fall into is labeling emotions “good” or “bad” when emotions just are. The original did this beautifully through the tension between Joy and Sadness and the sequel did the same, particularly through Anxiety.
   
   Basic survival (physical, social, etc.) is a core motivation. Our emotions serve to protect us but, sometimes they go too far. The movie does a stellar job of honoring Anxiety while learning to help her cope.
   
   
3. All experiences help shape who we are. Whew, did I love this one and, I wish they would have spelled it out even more clearly. Early in the movie, Joy starts pitching any uncomfortable memories to “the back of the brain.” Because of this, Riley’s self-concept is only shaped by her positive experiences.
   
   A person shaped only by affirmation is often fragile, and more easily shattered than those willing to learn from trial and error, engage in challenging experiences, reflect on social miscues, etc. At the end of the movie, Riley is reshaped by the entirety of her life’s experiences, to her benefit.
   
   
4. Finally, a quick list of a few other things I loved:
   
   
   • The cameo appearances by Nostalgia. Hilarious. My favorite emotion in the movie by far.
   • When the original five emotions are “bottled” in a mason jar Fear yells, “We are suppressed emotions!”
   • Anxiety takes over the imagination room, employing workers to draw “projections” of everything that could go wrong. This is exactly how anxiety functions. Also, Riley’s panic attack is an intense scene but so educational for how that can feel for someone.
   • When Anxiety is learning to cope, she has a container of “Anxi Tea” by her comfy chair.
   • The emotional experience of puberty, navigating friendships, staying true to who you are, and how all of that interacts with her parents.
   • Highlighting that teens are still kids, we must be patient as they ebb and flow between childhood and adulthood.
   • It is visually stunning.

Inside Out 2: Discussion Questions

Feel free to use the discussion questions below for your reflection or talk with your kiddos!

1. What was your favorite emotion and why?
2. How did you see the emotions trying to protect Riley?
3. Did Riley feel any of the same emotions you feel? Which scene was it?
4. What was your favorite scene?
5. What was the hardest scene to watch?
6. You heard some of Riley’s beliefs about herself. What would yours say?
7. Can you think of an emotion that was missing? (Link to feelings wheel here for inspo).

I hope you all enjoyed this movie review and I hope you get to see and enjoy the movie! It’s a gem.

Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!