Author: Anne Rulo

Even as a young girl I remember loving The Sound of Music.  I have always thought it was the talent and grace of Julie Andrews that kept drawing my admiration.  It has only been recently that I recognized in Maria, her character, those qualities of authenticity and bravery that beckon me back again and again.  She is humble, honest and unapologetically unfiltered.

Maria is a woman of deep faith who has found herself with an “about face” order from God as she is asked to leave her life at the convent and become a governess to seven children.  She is facing a completely unknown situation, and certainly not one that was of her choosing.  Due to the beauty of the script and lyrics, we get a front row seat to her internal dialogue as she follows a call into the unknown.  Whether by choice or by circumstance, it is so like this God of ours to occasionally kick us out of the stained glass sanctuary into the harsh light of the real world to grow our confidence muscle in Him, and in ourselves.

The complicated nature of confidence is that we often try to shove it into a box where we only see one side of it.  We want our confidence to look (and feel!) strong and polished as we face the challenges ahead.  We tell ourselves if we are truly confident then we will always look forward, never back, and never falter in our forward progress.  The reality is that confidence is a better informed and more sophisticated emotion than that.

The confidence that sees no risk and recognizes no consequence is that of a child.  We have to tell children not to run in the street or sit on the cactus, they have not lived enough life to consider potential outcomes.  Mature confidence is that of an adult, a person of enough experience to know that pain and danger may be ahead but that the call or the goal is worth the risk.  Mature confidence is as much a choice as it is a feeling.

The journey Maria makes from the gates of the abbey to the entrance of the VonTrapp family mansion is a reflection of the internal dance between fear and confidence many of us engage in any time we are unsure about the experience ahead.

What will this day be like?
I wonder.
What will my future be?
I wonder.
It could be so exciting,
To be out in the world,
To be free!
My heart should be wildly rejoicing.
Oh, what’s the matter with me?
I’ve always longed for adventure,
To do the things I’ve never dared.
Now here I’m facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

These lyrics do a beautiful job recognizing the mutual relationship that exists between confidence and fear.  Sometimes we talk about these as separate entities but often they work in concert to give us the critical level of adrenaline and endorphins we need to move forward.  When we refuse to shame ourselves for being scared but instead accept it as a common part of the process we are more likely to enter the challenges ahead.  God asks us many times not to fear but yet sometimes we do.  It is moving forward with the fear and trusting that He will bring us into confidence that is the goal.

Oh, I must stop these doubts,
All these worries.
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back!
I must dream of the things I am seeking.
I am seeking the courage I lack.
The courage to serve them with reliance,
Face my mistakes without defiance.
Show them I’m worthy
And while I show them
I’ll show me!
(I Have Confidence lyrics © Concord Music Publishing LLC)

Maria shows a lot of humility in these lines as she acknowledges forthrightly that she is lacking in confidence and has mistakes in her future.  How much more likely might we step into our giftings, our callings, our unknowns if we gave ourselves the grace of a few anticipated mistakes?  Your attempt at anything will not likely be perfect, let that sink in deeply before you even begin.  It is then you may just sing, “I’ll show them I’m worthy, and while I show them, I’ll show me!”

So whether it is a huge life change or the daily confidence you need to face each morning I will leave you here with this video of Maria as she approaches the VonTrapp family home.  She is wearing her only clean outfit, she becomes a bit overwhelmed when she gets the first real view of her future and blessed if she doesn’t trip as she gets going.  My goodness, isn’t that like us so many times over?  Like her I hope you will find a way, amidst the hope and the fear, to run with confidence toward whatever is ahead.

• BicycleMusicCompany (on behalf of Rodgers and Hammerstein); UBEM, UMPI, ASCAP, Imagem Music (publishing) US, and 10 Music Rights Societies

It’s a strange thing to consider what to share in the first blog on a new website, in a new town, in a new stage of life and a new path in a career.  Sometimes when we encounter beginnings we frame them as such momentous occasions we feel they must require special attention.  While this is certainly true in some regards, often we can find ourselves so intimidated by “starting off right” that we don’t start at all.  For those times in our lives when we have the choice to move forward (i.e. new project, new goal, new passion) this worry can stop us before we even begin.  For those beginnings from which we cannot easily turn back (i.e. bringing a new baby home, the new job that starts Monday, the life that continues after the loss of a loved one) this wanting to get it “right” and feel happy and competent from the beginning creates pressure that can rob us of our joy, our confidence and the self-compassion that is essential for “the new.”

Many of us are gifted at extending patience and compassion to others when they encounter a beginning.  “You can do it!  Keep trying!” we tell our children as they learn to crawl, get dressed, to figure out fractions.  “I’m so proud of you.  Just do your best!” we tell our teens when they start a new sport, a difficult class, and when they head off to college.  “I’m here for you.  You’re doing great.  You are strong.” we say to our friends as they take a risk, lose a child, or learn how to get out of bed again after the pain of a divorce.  Yes, many of us champion others well and forget to extend this to ourselves.

While the specific skills or training needed for success will vary by situation, it is important to realize that the base ingredients for starting well are already in you.  You have begun again a great many times in your life!  Depending on your stage in life you have started new school years, new jobs, new relationships, new projects and gained new awareness of the state of the world around you.  Every single one of these new experiences has built in you a capacity to tolerate change, grow your abilities and expand the schema in your head.  Why then, if we are so experienced, do we often encounter fear at new beginnings?

The element that tends to separate the progress from the paralysis is how we speak to ourselves about the new.  We lose our joy, our nerve and our peace when we frame beginnings as a threat…
Change is bad.
This is too much for me.
I don’t learn very quickly.
I am not good at new things.
I can’t make it through this pain again.
I am too old, too young, too shy, too scared, too much or not enough for this.

Conversely, progress and the courage to move forward with hope comes from the recognition that you have survived many a beginning so far.  When we approach beginnings with this mindset we say…
I am capable.
I can figure this out.
I have done hard things before.
I have made it through pain before.
I am not alone, many people have encountered this and moved on.
I can be sad, or scared, or unsure, or even unskilled, but that does not mean I am unable.

Today I want you to know that you are better at beginnings than you think.  The new is often hard, or scary, or even simply inconvenient but hard is not bad, it is where you grow.  Today we are beginning again, not with great fanfare but rather with the peaceful assurance that we know how, or we will learn how, one step at a time.