Author: Anne Rulo

Three years ago, we moved into a new-to-us home. It was an idyllic spot, pond in the back, on a couple of acres. In those early days, I didn’t think much about the tractors mowing the fields. For this city kid, I just figured the haybales were cute and it made our new country setting more authentic.

Do you know what was also authentic? The mice that fled that field and came to live with us. In the weeks it took us to get rid of them I almost had several panic attacks and slept on the top of my son’s bunk bed. It. Was. Awful.

Recently, we moved again. And, not onto just a couple of acres. Lots of acres. Acres, I was sure, full of mice wanting an upgrade and eyeing us up like the Taj Mahal. My fear from before was driving my thinking and it only grew as the move got closer.

So, when my friend said, “Hey! I’ve got some kittens. Their Mom is a great mouser. They’ll be ready to go about the time you move…” I said yes before she could finish her sentence.

Also:

• I’m allergic to cats.
• I discussed this with no one (read: my husband)
• I have never owned a cat in my life.
• I definitely told my (6 and 9-year-old) kids (again, leaving out my husband)

That’s why, on a warm August night with two young kittens mewing in a carrier, I realized I needed to apologize.

Me: “I didn’t even ask you if we could get cats did I?”
Hubs: “Nope.”
Me: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize I left you out.”

Now, in this specific instance, my husband would have said yes to the cats. He loves animals and he knew my health wasn’t in jeopardy because they would be living outside. What we’re zeroing in on is that I made an uncharacteristically big, didn’t-just-affect-me, not-particularly-well-thought-out decision impulsively because I was driven by fear. And, that type of scared, impulsive decision-making works against us and our relationships.

How Fear-Based Decision Making Works Against Us

The word “fear” covers anything from worry to terror. No matter what the level of intensity, fear is often at the root of some of our poorest decision-making because our brains don’t do the best job discerning between fighting for our lives, fighting over vacation plans, or fighting over who gets to pick the show that night. It moves us from rational to irrational, thoughtful to impulsive, collaborative to self-focused. Here’s some specific ways our brain does that:

Scarcity: When we are experiencing fear, it moves us into the perception of scarcity. We get tunnel vision about the circumstances, believing we have to fight for what we need because there’s not enough of something or, a healthy way to get what we need.

Inward Focus: When we are in fear mode, we get very self-focused. I didn’t intentionally leave my husband out of the cat decision but, I’d put good money on subconsciously not asking him in case he said no. Fear has a way of making us look past the people we normally take into consideration.

Wants Become Needs: Think back to when you were young, or when your children were young. Children have little ability to tell the difference between wants and needs because they don’t have the front, rational, part of their brain developed yet. When we are afraid, it activates the part of our brain that dominated our childhood and makes it harder to think calmly through a situation.

After being married for 15 years, and seeing more than a few couples in couples counseling, I can attest that a great many communication or conflict issues arise from the fear of not getting our needs met. Whether it be in the living room, breakroom, boardroom, or bedroom, simply asking “what am I afraid of?” can help us recognize when we have slipped into fear-based thinking. This simple recognition helps us think and communicate more clearly so we can make healthier, more collaborative decisions with the important people in our lives.

Bonus content! If you want a live look at me and the hubs processing through a fear-based decision obstacle mid-pandemic click this link.

Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

This week, we had our very last day of summer. We packed backpacks, picked the outfits, talked about the “butterflies” in my daughter’s tummy, and tucked everyone in bed. As I walked through the quiet house and sat down in our living room I had exactly one thought. “We made it. Thank you, Lord, we made it.”

While that may seem like an unusual amount of relief, it’s exactly how I felt after months of life transition. Our particular transition was a move, and it was a hard one for several reasons. First, my kids are older now. They knew what it meant to leave friends and “start over.” Also, we were apart, a lot. Packing and not being with your person during hard times just makes things, well, harder. And, there was the special adventure of looking for a home in the most brutal housing market since 1982.

As so many of us do, we buoyed the hard moments and emotions by looking forward. As scary as the unknown felt, we hitched our minds to hope and considered all the ways God would meet us there. We talked about new friends, a new school, and I mentally decorated our new home with its Christmas tree. We talked a lot about how we are together no matter where we go, and God goes with us. Looking forward gave us a lot of energy, unity, and hope. This looking forward was helpful because that’s what we are called to do sometimes.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14, NIV

Yes, we did a lot of looking forward, and I am so grateful for the way that practice supported us. But, as I sat on the chair that night, my mind did not go forward this time. It went backward.

I thought about the pain of emptying our old home. But, that produced gratitude for the incredible friends and family who moved our furniture, filled our boxes, and filled our hearts as tears spilled over in goodbyes. I thought about laying on the carpet that last night thinking, “I’ll never sleep” and miraculously waking the next day rested. I thought about the incredible people in our new community who reached out in those early days, helping us to feel welcome and loved. So many things, all the ways God sustained us. And, as hard as it was to look back on some of those moments, it was also so very helpful. Turns out, looking back was helpful because that’s also what we are called to do sometimes.

“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” Psalm 143:5, ESV

And, this beautiful translation:

“Once again I’ll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts.” Psalm 77:11-12, MSG (emphasis added)

Looking forward AND looking back. Just one example of how important it is to look at the whole counsel of God’s Word to make sure we access all of the incredible resources He offers for our wellbeing. As so many of us make the transition from summer to fall, season to season, or loss into something new, may we remember these encouragements. Life transitions are best made by looking forward AND backward. A windshield and a rearview mirror are helpful on any journey.

Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash, used with permission

This week’s post about some college silliness is published on The Glorious Table. Click here for the full post or begin a preview below.

When I was in college, I had the privilege of living with a bunch of gals who are now my lifelong friends. Back then, we were just trying to figure out life in our early twenties, who we wanted to be when we grew up, and of course, occasionally dating boys. As you might imagine, in a house of five women, this last part meant we were often talking about who we were seeing and who might be “the one.”

These women loved the Lord. We were in campus ministries, attended a local church plant, and went to Bible studies together. For this reason, Scripture verses were not uncommon in our duplex, written on sticky notes and stuck in strategic places. But, for the life of me, I cannot remember any of them specifically — except one. It was the one on the back of the front door and stayed there for a really long time, “Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me…” (Psalm 56:1, ?)

This is where, as an adult, I now roll my eyes and place my palm on my forehead. Good grief. Of course, we were not using this verse in its correct context. It was just a silly tongue-in-cheek reference that a bunch of college girls were using because, apparently, we thought we were pretty cute. It made me laugh then, and it still does. Those days with those girls were special. They were innocent days with so much hope for our careers, those boys (many of whom we married), and the beautiful families that have come along. I am so grateful for these relationships and the support they have been to me over the years.

I find it striking that the verse we used in such a silly, innocent way as college gals is actually the cry of David in an exceptionally dire situation. Supportive friendships could not be further from what David was facing as people were not only opposing him, but literally trying to kill him. While I can’t imagine that extreme, we all can learn something from how David prayed during that time. After all, despite all of David’s shortcomings, he was still referred to as “a man after God’s own heart.” (1 Sam. 13:14; Acts 13:22, NIV) Let’s see how David approached God when people had turned on him and his very life was in danger.

To finish the full post link here to The Glorious Table.

Two nights ago, our children came with us to my husband’s school for a meeting. Afterward, they escaped to his classroom per usual to draw on the dry erase board and occupy themselves while we wrapped up with parents, cleaned up, etc.

They had been gone less than ten minutes when the door to the hallway flung open and they all ran out, yelling over one another and pointing, “EYES! WATER! THE SCHOOL IS FLOODING!” I had no idea what they were talking about, but every one of us could hear the dull roar of rushing water that was clearly not coming from your average faucet.

Turns out, these kiddos had experienced a “moment of curiosity” and wandered into the science classroom next door with one of those pull-the-lever “eye wash” stations. Apparently, it was too tempting. And, apparently it worked.

As I stood looking at the new, indoor lake, it was one of those moments as a parent where I could feel the thin line between keeping my cool and losing it because all of the threatening emotions were looming. Things like embarrassment in front of the other parents, annoyance at the huge mess, frustration at our kiddos, inadequacy because we weren’t sure how to clean it up, and tiredness because well, it was 9:00pm.

This situation, while both minor and fixable, is a good reflection of the “mini-crises” that accompany our everyday lives. All of us have mornings that start with spills, unexpected traffic or delays that make us late, and moments with our children or spouse where the event is fairly minor but the emotional reaction threatens to run high.

For these moments, we need a stop-gap. An emotion-pausing buffer that can help us think through the actual severity of the situation and respond appropriately. Enter time-labeled coping strategies.

I’ve seen versions of this strategy called a lot of things over the years, most commonly the 5×5 rule. People use it in a few different ways and I’m not sure the number really matters. Just choose one you are likely to remember. Then, when you are in a stressful situation that is threatening to overwhelm your emotions ask, “Will this matter in five minutes? Will this matter in five months? Will this matter in five years?”

The way you answer these questions then leads you to the other important number, how long it’s worth thinking/worrying about. If it’s not going to matter in five minutes, then it’s easier to let it go in no time at all. But, if its going to matter in five months or five years, then you have thoughtfully validated it’s importance and can intentionally think about it more.

In this ridiculous, wet, late-night “mini-crisis” we could have easily moved into shame or criticism of our kiddos or short tempers with one another. Sadly, we’ve taken that road many times. But, thankfully, this time around we remembered the 5-5-5 rule and it helped us create a memory rather than a wound. Here’s to utilizing time-labeled coping strategies to pause on the thin line between peace and panic. May it help us love one another better as we navigate the many “mini-crises” of life.

Photo by Eternal Seconds on Unsplash, used with permission

Last week, I was in Oklahoma visiting family. To give you a full picture, this means five adults and nine children, nine and under. As you might imagine, it was quite the adventure with the four boys in ultra wrestle-mania mode and the girls rearranging furniture, all in between feeding them, bathing them, and generally managing the chaos.

The purpose of this extended trip was the kids’ attendance at the children’s camp, Woolaroc. The grounds of this museum and wildlife preserve are incredible. Rolling hills, buffalo (both the water and fluffy versions), horses, longhorn cattle, llamas, and one petite, beautiful zebra. I was the chauffeur, relishing this twenty minute drive twice a day to and from camp as a welcome change from the adventures of all being in the house together.

For the most part, the trips with the kids were uneventful. However, on the final of six mornings, we passed a building that we had passed every morning prior. Except, this time my oldest nephew read it. Out loud. To the entire car:

“‘The Best Weed Store.’ Huh. Why would anyone want to buy weeds?”

It was one of those moments. The ones we’ve all had when we face a question that dares to open their eyes to knowledge we aren’t sure we are ready to talk about yet. Or, they’re not ready to hear yet. Or (as in my case) not all the humans in the car are mine and I’m not sure how their parents would like me to handle a question about “the best weed.” So, I said the only thing I could think of:

“What do you think?” (a moment of silence followed)

“I guess some weeds are pretty. Maybe that’s why…” and they all began talking, joking, and being too loud—just as they were before.

Thank goodness. While this particular situation was no big deal, I am so grateful for the “what do you think” question that can solve more than a few of our awkward parenting moments until we can figure out how we would like to proceed:

• When we aren’t ready to give an answer yet.
• When they aren’t developmentally ready for the answer.
• When we are with children who aren’t ours.
• And, when we truly don’t know the answer.

I know for me, sometimes when my kids ask a question, I feel the pressure a) to know the answer and b) to answer it fully. But, just because a child asks a question, it doesn’t mean we have to (or it’s even appropriate to) fully answer every detail. Very often, they already have some idea of what they think the answer might be. And, once we hear their reply, then we are better equipped to correct them, enhance their understanding, or simply say:

“Yep, some weeds sure are pretty buddy.”

Sometimes, the perfect answer is simply their own explanation.

Photo by 张 学欢 on Unsplash, used with permission

Grief is no fun. We don’t like to be in pain. We don’t like to see others in pain. And, while we know the grief process is necessary, we sometimes wish it would hurry up so we can feel better.

But, what if we reframed it? What if grief, as an inevitable part of life, could be a gift? What if we could recognize several forms of grief that help us heal, honor, and move with our losses, rather than trying to leave them behind?

In that spirit, I want to offer you five healthy, productive types of grief that can help support us in our losses, rather than feeling like grief is working against us. This may just be the helpful framework we’ve been searching for.

5 Healthy, Productive Types of Grief

Anticipatory Grief: This is a hard, but truly helpful type of grief. Anticipatory grief is very much what it sounds like. It’s the kind of grieving you do when you are “anticipating” a loss, such as when someone receives a terminal diagnosis. As painful as it feels to think about “after”, to make the arrangements, to endure the physical decline, it is also a beautiful gift to psychologically move forward with some of the necessary grieving that needs to be processed, one way or another.

Acute Grief: This is what we most commonly think of as “grief.” It’s the emotional pain that occurs simultaneously with loss, sometimes overwhelming us. This is the tears, the grasping for a different reality, almost losing a sense of time and space because our world has changed so dramatically. And, while it may be incredibly difficult to think of one of these concepts in such a time, this type of grief is a gift. Our brains know when something is “too much.” The disconnection we sometimes feel during deep emotional distress is part of the way we cope. Then, we can reengage later, when it is psychologically safer to do so.

Displaced/Deferred Grief: This type of grief is fascinating, and such a smart way our brains handle things sometimes. Displaced grief is when we encounter a loss, but we transfer the grieving to a different situation. Case in point, when I lost my father at sixteen, I grieved. But, the loss was just too intense to grieve completely at that time. Fast forward nine months, to the breakup with my high school boyfriend, and I stuck the grief there. That loss was more “normal” and “developmentally-in-sync” at sixteen. Years later, I could see that I displaced that sadness and cried those tears in another space but grieved both experiences nonetheless.

Delayed Grief: This type of grief can get a bad wrap. People sometimes get criticized for “not dealing” with their sadness if it is not done immediately, and outwardly. Now, if someone is intentionally avoiding their grief, that can be concerning. But, many people experience delayed grief not because they are avoiding it, but because it doesn’t “fit” yet. The loss of a loved one can quickly become an uncommonly busy and complicated time. When you have decisions to make about funerals, obituaries, bills, bank accounts, and who knows what else, sometimes the grieving takes a back seat. No worries, they’ll get to it. They’ve just got a few other things to take care of first.

Sacred/Ritual Grief: This last category may be my “favorite” type of grief, if that’s not too strange of a thing to say. Death happens. Losses are part of life. And, the way people find to honor those losses as life moves forward can be so beautiful. Sacred or ritual grief is the sadness, memories, and/or intensity that resurface at times, sometimes predictably and sometimes unpredictably. It is visiting gravesides, celebrating birthdays, memorial runs, and “talking” to them. It is also the song that catches you off guard, an experience that makes you wish they were there, or the tears falling years later seemingly out of nowhere. It is the sacredness of having loved someone in such a way that they go with you and “rejoin” you from time to time. And, you let them.

Dear readers, thank you for your indulgence in reading through this post on such a difficult topic. Grief has become such a sacred space in my own life, and I hope this can somehow make it a more supported one for you. As hard as it is, it is also certainly a worthwhile endeavor for this integral part of our common human experience.

Photo by Ante Gudelj on Unsplash

Writing over at The Glorious Table today with a mashup of Jesus and Sherlock Holmes. Start with a preview here or click this link for the full post. Enjoy!

I’m a big fan of Sherlock Holmes. I first fell in love with the series in an unconventional place, when Data from Star Trek solved mysteries on the holodeck of the Starship Enterprise (catching my geeky vibes yet?). I was then later enthralled, shocked, and thoroughly amused by the more modern version starring the ever-quirky and entertaining Robert Downey, Jr.

Given the long-standing popularity of the series (it first started in 1887!), it seems mysteries are beloved by many. I find that interesting since most of us are really not a fan of suspense in our own lives. I guess it feels okay to sit in the unknown when you are watching it play out for someone else—and when it wraps up by the end of a feature-length movie.

In all the time I’ve spent watching Sherlock Holmes, very rarely can I figure out the answers ahead of time (the goal of a mystery). Usually, it develops over the course of the story, with bits and pieces of evidence coming together as we go along. Of course, I love it at the end when all comes clear and I can finally say, “Of course! I can see it all now!” That space is so much more comfortable than the suspense of the unknown.

The suspense of the unknown. Anybody recognize their walk with Jesus in that phrase? I imagine so. We sure do prefer when we can see what he’s up to rather than living in uncertainty.

In our own stories, occasionally God is super clear. Other times, we only get bits and pieces of information until he reveals the ending. I have no idea why he chooses one way over another, but I think it’s fun to look at the different options. Below are just two examples of his strategies from the very end of his time here on earth.

When Jesus Was Crystal Clear

Now Thomas (also known as Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:25-29 NIV)

Just as he was with Thomas, sometimes Jesus is super clear with us. These are rare, merciful times when he lets us see and feel exactly what he is up to. At these times, we exclaim like Thomas that he is so clearly our Lord and our God. These times when he is so viscerally real to us are precious.

When Jesus Let the Story Develop

To read the rest of the post click to go to The Glorious Table here.

Me: “Hey buddy, just wanted to say we’re proud of you. You were really brave last night.”

Son: “Because I stopped crying?”

Me: “No, not because you stopped crying. Because you were willing to feel your feelings.”

This scene happened six months ago, the day after we told our children we were moving. As with many kids when they move, they had some big feelings. There was anger, tears, a lot of questions, more anger, and more tears. Of course, we did not want them to hurt. And, as parents, we did not want to watch them hurt. But, we knew it would hurt them more to shut them down. So, hard as it was, we encouraged them to feel. And, feel they did.

I admit, it kind of bummed me out the next morning when my son repeated the age-old lie that brave = not crying. But, it also isn’t surprising. Teaching kids that feeling is brave is an ongoing project because it is the opposite message from what they often hear or absorb. So, we remind them, again and again. It’s just too important. Becoming emotionally healthy “feelers” benefits kids (and their later adult selves) in the most incredible ways.

How Engaging with Emotions Benefits Kids

Emotional Intelligence: Children who are encouraged to engage with and process their feelings get the chance to safely experience what different emotions feel like. Just like someone who has listened to a lot of music learns to pick out the difference between a violin and a guitar, a child who has permission to get to know their feelings will learn how to pick out embarrassed, lonely, or vulnerable from just “sad.” Knowing these nuances helps them to identify the pain and move through it more smoothly. Feelings wheels are a great place to start (link).

Emotional Permission: Children who are encouraged to feel their feelings tend to create safe space for others to do the same. It’s a powerful thing for one kid to give permission to another child to feel, especially if they don’t get that permission elsewhere. When we speak emotional freedom to our kiddos, it helps give them the language to benefit the other children they are around.

Emotional Endurance: It’s no fun to see our kids hurt. However, if we protect them from every pain, they don’t learn how to manage them. Emotional pain is a reality of living. So, when we give them permission to feel and move through their pain, they learn that there is relief eventually on the other side. Letting them gain this knowledge as children gives them good emotional “endurance” muscles for those tougher things that come with adolescent and adult life.

Emotional Confidence: Despite my son’s repetition of “the brave lie” the next day, he did a beautiful job of moving through his feelings the night before. It is the most incredible thing to watch humans (my kid, clients, friends, myself) encounter emotional pain, bravely engage, hurt like a son-of-a-gun, but then, usually, rise. I’ve had the incredible privilege to watch time and time again as people encounter anything from a scraped knee to unimaginable tragedy—they eventually come through. They rise in hope, they begin to envision the future, and they ask questions about what will be. And, every time this happens, there is an emotional confidence layer instilled that we can get through life’s difficulties, gain knowledge, and find solutions that allow us to move forward.

So, the next time our kiddos run up against a painful time, we can encourage them to “be brave.” But, this time, our definition won’t only be what the world says is brave. Instead, it will be what also helps them feel, cope, and rise on the other side. Here’s to raising a generation of brave, emotionally healthy humans.

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

There is so much value that comes from validating our children’s emotions. From their earliest years, we can do the important work of teaching what their emotions are (i.e. “It looks like you are sad”) as well as affirming that difficult emotions can be experienced and managed, “I hear you saying that you are angry. Can we cuddle for a minute and talk about it?” It’s all very valuable. It’s all very kind. And, it’s all very fabulous in the theory-land of parenting. That is, until you just can’t do it anymore.

Yep. Sometimes I’m just too tired to validate my kids’ emotions.

Now, as a therapist, I know how important this validation is. I’m not throwing out the idea that it needs be done. I’m just saying that the mental and emotional bandwidth it takes to think of the right words and the right approach in the middle of a child’s meltdown when dinner is on the stove and your iced tea just spilled is not easy.

We have to have another option when our nerves are frayed, our kids are not in a space to hear our words or, we are simply too worked up to say the kind, appropriate, healthy thing.

Enter mirror neurons.

Mirror neurons are one of the most important brain discoveries of the past 20+ years. And, their implications for parenting are incredibly valuable. Basically, mirror neurons are the part of our brain that is wired to respond empathically (psychologically identify) with what someone else is feeling or experiencing. In short, whatever one person is projecting, it can help create that same experience for the other person. So, on the not so awesome side, that’s why it can be so easy for us to hit the ceiling when our kid is losing it. However, on the positive side, it also means that if we can get it together enough to at least be calm (even if we say nothing) that actually helps to calm our child.

Let’s go back to the iced tea scenario. If my kiddo is the one who spilled my iced tea, I guarantee you he’s losing it. He’s embarassed he spilled it. He’s upset that I’m upset. And, he’s frantically rushing around with a washcloth to wipe it up because he couldn’t think straight enough to grab a full-sized towel.

In this moment, if I try to do the whole “validate emotions” thing, I’m probably going to fail. When everybody is hungry and his emotions are raising my emotions, it’s hard to say just the right thing. But, if I can pause long enough to calm my body and my breath, then we can get somewhere.

When we calm our output, it activates the mirror neurons in our kids to lead them towards calm. Slower breathing matches slower breathing. Softer voices match softer voices. And, if they are in the place for it, even a hug where they are intentionally listening for our heartbeat can influence the slowing of theirs.

It is hard to be able to come up with the right words sometimes as a parent. I am so grateful for this far less pressured option we can choose until our brains and bodies have calmed down long enough to get back to that more sophisticated parenting.

Here’s to slowing down, breathing, and maybe a few more heartbeat hugs.

PS – This is my favorite (and brief!) video on how mirror neurons work. Enjoy!

Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

Writing today from over at The Glorious Table. Four of my favorite tips for going below the surface of our faith included. Enjoy the preview below or link to the full article here.

My husband and I both have public-ish lives. By this, I mean that we are small potatoes public figures, he as a small-town football coach and me as an author/speaker. Even with these minimal platforms, we can encounter some surprising impressions among people who know only our public personas rather than our daily, regular ones.

The first misperception we usually run into is that my husband is unapproachable and intimidating. And I mean, I get it. He’s a big guy with a buzzed haircut, intense eyes, and a strong brow. He also happens to be a football coach, which carries with it all kinds of assumptions. As his wife, my job is to remind him to smile in order to attempt to overcome this go-to impression. One of my favorite things is to watch people get to know him and then comment on how kind, welcoming, and loving he is. It’s fun to get to see them get to know those precious parts of him.

In my case, people often think I am very serious and studious since the majority of my published work is in the area of emotional and mental health and Bible studies. It has definitely thrown more than a few people off when they meet me and I lead with a little irreverence, a joke, or sarcasm. The truth is that I actually have a whole anonymous side gig creating funny memes. I enjoy it when relationships develop far enough for me to start communicating mostly in GIFs and Friends quotes. It’s more of the fullness of who I am.

The reason I’m sharing this is not because we should be expected know everything about others. To some degree, we all craft public images. The reason I’m sharing this is to point out that in the same way we tend to create boxes for people based on surface impressions, we often do the same for people of the faith. People like Jesus and Paul, Mary and Daniel. We will likely never know the depths of everyone around us. But only getting to know the surface details about the heroes of the faith? That can leave us without some incredible information that God meant for us to have for our blessing, our ministry, and our development.

Tips for Avoiding a Surface Understanding of Faith

Daily Connection Time. This is not another cliché advocating for “quiet times.” Instead, this is a call to figure out what works for you. Most of us have a spiritual discipline (or two) that feel more natural. I tend to be a read-the-Word-and-journal kind of person. My husband is more of a worship-and-prayer type. While engaging in the breadth of spiritual disciplines yields blessing, starting with the ones you look forward to makes you more likely to do it. Then, once a habit is established, it may become easier to expand into something with more depth and variety. God never changes, but my goodness, we sure do. The fruit of our daily relationship with God comes from getting to know him better as we ebb and flow through our own emotions and life circumstances.

Intensive Study

One of the coolest parts about getting to know the Bible and its residents is that we have access to more information than any previous generation. The ease with which we can ask a question or research a topic is lightening-quick. But the access to insta-information can also cause us our spiritual muscles to atrophy because we don’t have to work as hard…

To read the remaining tips, link to the full article here.