Throughout my childhood, I spent a lot of time in hospitals, doctor’s offices, an occasional peek in an ambulance, and attended quite a few funerals. This sounds like the start to a story of chronic childhood illness or cumulative family tragedies but, nope. I just happen to be the daughter of a nurse, the niece of a doctor and a paramedic, and come from a family with a LOT of people in it. And, sometimes they died. Nothing tragic (usually) just volume.
With this upbringing, imagine my surprise when my new husband from a much smaller family shared he’d never been to a funeral until he was in high school and rarely been in a hospital save busting up his own body in sports. Through this, I found myself in the surprising position of sharing with him how to best support sick and hurting people. Turns out, it is a learned skill.
Twenty years later, the hubby and I are old pros but, now we have children who go with us to the hospital, funerals, and community members’ bedsides. A new generation doesn’t “just know.” They benefit from being taught timeless social skills that will ultimately bless them and those they interact with.
5 Timeless Social Skills We Can Teach Our Kiddos
Visiting Bedsides: A dear friend in her 80s recently had a stroke. As we prepared to visit her we described, in developmentally appropriate language, how she may look and speak differently now. And, we let our kids in on a few details that would help guide their expectations and sense of security such as, hospitals are quiet places, people may be sad but that’s okay, just saying hi or I love you is helpful, and encouraged them to watch and listen to Mommy and Daddy talk so they would learn how to love on someone who isn’t feeling well.
Making Phone Calls: I’m in my 40s and an introvert. I get it. Making phone calls can be awkward and unpredictable. But, our kiddos need to know how to do it both socially and for business. Phone calls to grandparents, family members, and friends are great places to start and, later, order a pizza, let a coach know they won’t be at practice, or double-check when their orthodontist appointment is. While more and more of this becomes available through apps or digital communication (which they also need to practice) we certainly don’t want to be calling their professors or utility companies once they’ve left the house.
Speak for Their Own Needs: As a person who lost her father when she was 16, this is a big one for me. While we all desperately hope to raise our children to adulthood, sometimes, it doesn’t happen. As early as developmentally possible, we can encourage our children to order their own meals at restaurants, explain their own symptoms to the doctor, check themselves in for appointments, and advocate for themselves when something goes wrong. Of course, we are there to serve as guardrails and supplement information as needed, but the stronger they feel standing on their own two feet, the more prepared they are for their futures with, or without, us in it. Owning their own voice is important.
Deescalation: Well, here’s a weird but necessary one. Have you noticed? People can get feisty sometimes while driving, in a store, at an event, or even at a family gathering. In high-emotion situations, kids have no idea how to react unless we teach them. When you receive the one-finger salute from a passing car or happen to bear witness to someone else’s altercation, it is a wonderful opportunity to talk through why you handled it the way you did or what options your kiddos have whenever somebody ends up having a bad day at their expense.
Offer Help: Awww, this is one we’ve only recently been able to fully embrace. While we’ve always encouraged our kiddos to be helpful with little things here and there, my son is now at an age and strength when he can really step in for folks. Recently, he has gotten out of the car twice at Sam’s to help an older person manage something like loading a dozen cases of water or gargantuan bags of dog food. Once, the help was accepted. The person was grateful and he felt good being able to help. In the other, the person was kind but rejected the help citing her desire to handle it herself and organize. He was bummed but learned an important lesson about honoring other’s decisions and independence and, the value of asking even if it doesn’t “work out.”
Raising these little people into adults is not an easy feat. However, as much as we can encourage them to develop independent social skills and stand on their own two feet in developmentally appropriate ways, the better off they (and we) will be. May we help them fly and nourish their roots as long as we have the privilege to do so.
For more of Anne’s mental health and faith content check out her blog, Bible studies, and speaking engagements!
*Originally published November 2023, updated for freshness and clarity.
Photo by Jem Sahagun on Unsplash, used with permission
Anne Rulo 