At a recent conference, my husband fielded a question about managing some of the more challenging parts of his career. Because he is a football coach, the focus was on the public nature of his job. However, his answer was more broadly applicable. He said, “When things get tough, it is tempting to isolate. But, instead of isolating, what we really need to do is insulate, carefully choosing the people and practices that will help us get through.”
Insulating rather than isolating. I thought this phrase was brilliant.
For many of us, when something difficult happens, our instinct is to hide. This may be physically hiding, such as not leaving the house or avoiding public interaction or, it may be emotionally hiding, not sharing our pain with others. It may take the form of mentally or psychologically hiding, telling ourselves, “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine.” Or, even spiritually hiding by avoiding the intimacy of prayer and numbing with other habits.
To that end, this call he made about insulating, rather than isolating, smartly addresses several issues:
- When we are in a crisis, we literally cannot think as well as we do at other times. Our brains are wired to keep us safe when threatened, but they don’t do a great job of being rational at the same time. If we can keep communicating with one or two safe people, we are less likely to be overwhelmed or misled by our thoughts and emotions.
- Insulating, rather than isolating, honors the fragility of what we are experiencing without totally shutting down our lives. It is about choosing safer people, places, and times rather than not leaving the house at all or holding everyone at a distance.
- When going through a difficult time, giving ourselves permission to temporarily insulate with safe people and restorative practices is actually a faster, healthier way back to “normal” than isolating or gritting our way through.
- Insulating, not isolating, honors how we are designed. Social connectedness is scientifically tied to longevity, mental health, physical health, and the ability to cope. While isolating may feel safer, insulating practices actually protect and heal us best.
Encountering difficult times is not a choice, it happens to all of us (John 16:33, Matt. 5:45). However, how we respond to them is. For all of us whose instinct is to isolate physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually when things get tough, maybe next time we can choose insulation as we heal and the storm blows over.
Check out more of Anne’s mental health and faith content on her blog, in her Bible studies, and through speaking engagements!
Photo by Amin Hasani on Unsplash, used with permission
*Originally published 7/20/23, edited for freshness & clarity
Anne Rulo 