Why It’s Hard to Say We’re Wrong

The other day I called my husband and my Mom answered. This was very strange since he was at work and we live over 150 miles from her. My internal dialogue, when she answered, was as follows:

“Why is Mom there?”
“Wait, no. The phone company must have mixed up my close contacts.”
“Ohhh, maybe I dialed the wrong number.”

That’s right. Not until the third try did I possibly consider that my Mom had neither traveled for hours without my knowledge to hang out with my husband at work nor had the cell towers conflated my contacts. And, while I wish this were the only example…

Later that same day, I went to pick up my son from archery practice. When he didn’t come out right away it began again:

“That’s weird, he’s usually out here early.”
“Huh, all the other kids are coming and going. He must have had to stay.”
(teacher starts walking towards my car…) “Hi, Caleb has archery for the next hour.”

“Ohhh. I’m an hour early.”

10 Reasons It’s Psychologically Hard to Say We’re Wrong

While these are (very) silly examples. It’s a good illustration of how hard it is for our brains to shift when we are “certain” we are right. Even when facts that should change our minds are right in front of us, it can be hard to switch. I hope my own ridiculous day of miscues can remind us of the following:

1. Considering being wrong requires intentionality.
2. Considering being wrong requires practice.
3. Our brains will try to convince us we are right unless we are willing to consider evidence that suggests otherwise.
4. While pride may be a reason we don’t want to believe we are wrong, there are psychological hurdles even before that we have to overcome.
5. One reason these hurdles exist is because habitual thinking is how our brains are wired.
6. Additionally, it just feels better psychologically and emotionally to consider confirming, rather than disconfirming, information.
7. We are in danger of staying wrong if we create unhealthy echo chambers.
8. Because of how much effort it takes our brains to consider we might be wrong, when things aren’t adding up we may need to say out loud, “Are there other options I’m not considering?”
9. Being able to consider that we may be wrong and/or compromise is essential to healthy relationships.
10. If you discover you are wrong, or someone else recognizes they are wrong, receive this with gentleness and compassion so the process becomes welcome, rather than psychologically “scary.”

Remember, we are all human, flawed creatures. This means sometimes we aren’t going to have all the information, misunderstand, or just plain make a mistake.

May we all enhance our ability to consider we may be wrong and/or receive the mistakes of others with grace. It sure does sound like a gentler, more compassionate way forward.

Photo by George Becker, used with permission.